Without Further Ado

On. Line.

2006-05-09T13:09:00.000-05:00

1. Today, I was in Nine West attempting to purchase a pair of shoes. My size: not available. I said to the clerk, "So I can find them online?"

He leaned, as if asking me to repeat. I did. And then, he gave me this confused look and said,
"Are you from Texas or somethin'?"

"Georgia," I replied. So annoying.

2. People up here say "on line" instead of "in line." As in, "I went to the movies, and I had to wait on line for half an hour."

3. Online, I found a New York Times article by the authors of one of my favorite books, Freakonomics. The article is about the Expert Performance Movement, and it makes a claim that most elite soccer players are born in earlier months of the year. www.freakonomics.com

Long Overdue

2006-05-04T11:08:00.000-05:00

First of all, today I sat down and chatted with Henry Winkler. He came to the office to see all of his agents. He is in town to see his son's new movie at Tribeca, The King of Central Park.
My boss is actually out today, but he stopped by to meet me anyway. We talked about The Sure Thing, Friends with Money, New York v. LA, and what I want to do with my life. He was so so nice.

I watched School Ties last week. It's a very good movie. I recommend re-watching it.Matt Damon's character is evil. Some interesting things about School Ties:
1. Brendan Fisher plays a high school quarterback. Name: David Green!
2. The French teacher that causes one of the boys to have a nervous breakdown is currently starring in a play I just saw: The Caine Mutiny Court Marshall.
3. The Caine Mutiny Court Marshall is also about anti-semitism.

David Blaine is currently in Lincoln Center in a water-filled sphere. I might go by and see him on a lunch break. I'm sorry, that is freakish.

David Toms...see if I ever follow you up the No.1 fairway

2006-04-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

Here's what David Toms thinks about the Masters.

Quotes below are from Sunday's New York Times (Associated Press):

"To me, it's still a place where the players walk around on eggshells, not knowing if they are in the right place.

"They're worried about their cell phone being on, having to stop by the hut on the way in to scan your ticket, making sure you only have one parking pass and somebody else doesn't get in there."

"It's the only place all year where the players don't feel like they're the most important thing there."

"It's like CIA stuff, you know what I mean?"

No, David Toms, I do not know what you mean. I am really sorry you have to make sure your cell phone is turned off. That sucks. And the fact that you can't just drive up Magnolia Lane unaccompanied, well, that's a travesty really. And that whole parking pass thing...ludicrous. I mean, shouldn't everyone be able to park in your space? This is America!

He also said this:

"It's the players that make the tournament. It's Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods battling down the stretch that makes that event successful on television around the world. It's not how green the grass is on the No. 1 fairway."

Well, David Toms, tell that to the hundreds of men that work at the National year-round to make that grass THAT green.

And last time I checked, it was the 70th anniversary of the Masters, and Tiger Woods hasn't even been alive half that long. Tiger Woods wasn't "battling down the stretch" in 1986 when Jack Nicklaus's win made for what may be the most emotional Sunday in tournament history. He may have been battling through 5th grade, if that counts. But that green grass was always there, and so were the people that keep players like Phil safe with the Langley-like security.

But maybe you're right, I mean, you are a player, the most important thing there, and why shouldn't the Augusta National cater to your needs? I mean, I remember that time you...wait...who are you again? Oh yeah, 1998, sixth place finish. So next year, maybe they should spend less time on the grass, and more time giving the players some freedom, for heaven's sake.

p.s. Make the cut.

Long Overdue Celebrity Encounter Update

2006-04-14T17:56:00.000-05:00

I've talked on the phone to Star Jones, Henry Winkler, and George Foreman's son, George.

And I saw Matthew Broderick today, he walked right past me on 56th between 5th and 6th aves. He was on his cell phone, wearing a fleece and jeans. He has a lot of grey hair. What if he was talking to Sarah Jessica Parker on the phone!!??

A few days ago, Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson were in the office to do a reading for a new play. I didn't see them...but I told my friend that works for the agent responsible to tell me next time so I can go through the lobby to "make copies."

More to come!

(Sort of) Celebrity Encounter!

2006-03-31T19:37:00.000-05:00

Today, I spoke to Suze Orman on the phone. She's the lady on Oprah all the time that advises about personal finance. I'm just waiting for Henry Winkler (Fonzi) to call. That voice!

Celebrity sighting!

2006-03-29T20:02:00.000-05:00

Christopher Plummer came into the office today (dad in The Sound of Music).

Yeah, he's pretty old, but cute (in an old man sort of way)!

Good News and Bad News

2006-03-29T00:21:00.000-05:00

"Well there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to move on to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is...I've been promoted, so....every cloud...You're still thinking about the bad news aren't you?" ---David Brent, The Office

So for me, good news, bad news.

The good news is I'll be getting a paycheck soon.
The bad news is that the celebrity sightings are going to slow significantly. No more wandering about the city.
The good news--my job is pseudo-glamorous, so while Natalie Portman isn't going to come breezing by desk, I might get to meet Henry Winkler (aka The Fonz).
The bad news--from here on out, a lot of my stories will have to be delivered verbally. Paranoia and all of that.

First Day of Work Playlist

2006-03-27T01:02:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I have a tremendous amount of anxiety about my new job--that starts tomorrow (today). Which is why I'm posting and not sleeping.

So I thought making a playlist in preparation for my 35-minute walk (brief pause for jealousy, if necessary) would help.

1. Fresh Feeling, Eels
2. Life, Des'ree (cheesy, I know, but inspired by David Brent, and if you know who David Brent is, I love you)
3. Do Your Thing, Basement Jaxx
4. Falling Down, Avril Lavigne
5. Gonna be some changes made, Bruce Hornsby (what's a playlist without bruce?)
6. Let the River Run, Carly Simon (hello, I AM Working Girl--without the ferry bit)
7. Let Go, Frou Frou
8. Wisemen, James Blunt
9. All at Sea, Jamie Cullum
10. Just A Ride, Jem
11. Everything's Changing, Keane (because it is...goodbye, fabulous freedom.)
12. Breathe, Michelle Branch
13. See Line Woman, Nina Simone (because "she" AKA "me" is going to be drinking lots of "coffee" AKA "coffee")
14. World on Fire (radio edit), Sarah McLachlan
15. Rose Rouge, St. Germain

All the THEs

2006-03-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

I can never get these artists right, and they deserve more recognition.
But what moron gave them all similar names with similar sounding songs?

For your future clarification:

1. Ain't Too Proud to Beg--The Temptations
2. Just My Imagination--The Temptations
3. Can't Get Next to You--The Temptations
4. The Way You Do the Things...--The Temptations

5. I'll Be Around--The Spinners

6. Under the Boardwalk--The Drifters
7. You're More than a Number--The Drifters

8. Build me up Buttercup--The Foundations

9. I Second That Emotion--The Miracles

10. It's All Right--The Impressions

11. Baby I Need Your Lovin--The Four Tops
12. Ain't No Woman Like...--The Four Tops
13. Sugar Pie Honey Bunch--The Four Tops

14. People Got to Be Free--The Rascals
15. It's a Beautiful Morning--The Rascals

You can thank me later.

B-Listers deserve a mention, too

2006-03-19T21:09:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I think I saw Stacy J (the REALLY crazy one) from The Apprentice through the window of a hotel lobby.

And today, my sister and I spotted Dan Hedaya in Frontier, a diner on 3rd Ave. He was wearing sunglasses, and picking up. He definitely had that "don't want to be recognized" thing going on.

There's absolutely no way on earth you could possibly be familiar with that name. But he's Cher's dad in Clueless and Bette Midler's husband (Morty) in The First Wives Club.

I have one thing to say: Why, Gwyneth, did you have to move to Brooklyn right when I came to Manhattan?

Message to moviegoers

2006-03-18T22:50:00.000-05:00

Being annoyed by cell phones in the movie theater is nothing new.

I'm also going to take the opportunity and say this--putting it on "vibrate" solves nothing, okay? Learn it, live it.

You think, "Oh, I'm going to see Mission Impossible:3, because I want nothing more than to see Tom Cruise on the big screen especially since he's been so absent from the tabloids for the past few months, and that's a loud movie, I'll just leave it on vibrate, because I really need to be alerted when someone is calling me on a Saturday afternoon." But, I can promise you that the one scene that's a lengthy close-up shot of Tom's lovely little Thetan face breathing heavily, your mother will call. And we'll hear it.

But I'm here to address another issue.

There are five senses.
In the theater, your senses of sight and hearing are, for the most part, entirely engaged (or should be, unless you're watching Failure to Launch and you keep glancing toward the exit wondering if some semblance of a plot will eventually emerge).

The chances someone will touch you and disturb your zone are VERY slim, and this can be easily avoided by leaving space between you and the other occupants. And the last time I checked, no one is doing any force-feeding in the theater, so that covers taste.

This leaves SMELL.

Today, this lady and her friend ate full meals in the theater prior to its beginning. The entire theater smelled like french fries and ketchup. Then some walking magazine cologne strip added to the olfactory disaster.
Hmmm...smells like a bad high school date at the county fair.

Later in the movie, a phone rang. The owner took forever to fish the offending phone out of her purse and silence it. Of course.
But then, one of the fast food ladies turns around in her seat, glares at the culprit and says "turn your cell phone off," because unbeknownst to us, the ticket ripper annointed her goddess of theater monitoring.
Um, hello. The phone was already off. So all that little display of anger did was further suspend my distraction.
In my fantasy world where I say wherever I want without consequence, I said, "Lady, put your uneaten french fries in the trash. Then perhaps you'll be more qualified to criticize."

I know, I've been told that I have an acute sense of smell. Kill me.

So there's this: Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. Silence is golden.
But I'm proposing this: Please respect people with noses. Lay off the cologne and stick to popcorn and candy. Thank you and enjoy your movie.

Celebrity sighting!

2006-03-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

Today, my sister and I saw Paul Rudd and Aaron Eckhart in the Flatiron District.

My sister recognized Aaron Eckhart first (as "the guy in Erin Brokovich, on the motorcycle with the ponytail"). They were talking to each other, and then said goodbye on the corner. Paul Rudd walked right past us.

In related news, in the west village this morning, I saw a yellow sign outside Magnolia Bakery notifying locals of neighborhood filming. The project: "Untitled Scott Hicks Film." Later, we walked right through production.

I came home this evening, did some imdb research, and it turns out Aaron Eckhart's latest film is none other than: "Untitled Scott Hicks Film."

If only I could get paid for celebrity sightings, maybe I wouldn't need a job.

Celebrity sighting!

2006-03-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

This morning, we (Robin Anne, Molly, me) spotted Liam Neeson in Central Park (UWS, near the skating rink). He is really tall, with thinning hair.

After he walked past, I whispered, "that was Liam Neeson." There wasn't anyone else around. It was so uneventful, and yet...not. Schindler's List, Love Actually Liam Neeson! I love New York.

Celebrity sighting!

2006-03-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Jonathan Hadley is a genius. Molly's (slightly distant) cousin met us on Perry St. in the West Village this morning to go to brunch. He has lived in New York for 20 years and has lived in his rent-controlled apartment in the village for 15. We won't even talk about how cheap his rent is and how jealous I am.

But we will talk about his choice of brunch and the resulting excitement.

P.S. (not properly placed) We also saw Harry Connick, Jr. Saturday morning when we were on our way to the TKTS line. But that pales in comparison to the one today. (suspense!)

We got to Paris Commune (www.pariscommune.net) around 12:30 and didn't have to wait long for our table of six (me, Jonathan, Elizabeth, Robin Anne, Molly, and Gina).

By the way, if you go, you must order the gingerbread. So good. So at some point, Gina got a shocked (read:starstruck) look on her face and told me to turn around. I turned around, and it was NATALIE PORTMAN.

I turned back around to the table and said, "Oh my god. That's Natalie Portman." After numerous attempts to "discreetly" check her out, and one failed attempt at a "background is much more important than foreground" picture, she got up from the table and walked toward the bathroom. Well, Elizabeth had just left for the bathroom, so we knew she was in for a surprise.

She came back to the table with a very amused look on her face and said that Natalie Portman had accidentally walked in on her. So great.

I mean, less than two hours before we got to the restaurant, I was sitting in my bed reading her Vanity Fair article. Interesting: the two main celebrities with interviews in April's Vanity Fair are Natalie Portman and Teri Hatcher. Hmmm...I could be a relevant-celebrity magnet.

The verdict, part two

2006-03-08T20:27:00.000-05:00

This evening I went to Oscar Blandi (apologies for the earlier misspelling--I blame the source) for my $50 highlights. It's on the Upper East Side, Madison Ave.

Let me just say it didn't even seem like I was in a "class." While Aveda definitely had more of a laboratory feel, this felt just like a regular haircut. At Oscar Blandi, everyone specializes, so the girl that highlighted my hair only does color. If I were to go in for a regular appointment, one person would cut, one would color, and yet another would blow-dry. That's a lot of freaking tips.

I'm very happy with the results, and I paid half of what I might pay otherwise. The question becomes---why WOULDN'T you?

Requirements: 2 hours, $60, and a brain.

Surprise Speaker

2006-03-07T11:38:00.000-05:00

Last night, Mark Bowden came to my book publicity class. My teacher is his publicist, and our other speaker cancelled, and he happened to be in New York.

Mark Bowden wrote Black Hawk Down, Killing Pablo, and Guests of the Ayatollah.

He was supposed to talk about publicity from an author's perspective, but he ended up answering a lot of questions about his experience turning Black Hawk Down into a movie. So exciting!

You know how in America's Sweethearts, they go around and answer questions at the press junket? Well, he had to do that. The production companies rent out floors in hotels and you go around room to room and talk to the press. He told us that the producers sit in this one room and watch all the actors, writers, etc. from all these tv monitors, and that if you don't answer a question the way they want you to, they come out and stop you in the hallway and advise you for the next time.

Although this is not always the case, Mark was very involved in the film. The film rights to his latest book, Guests of the Ayatollah, were purchased before he even started writing it.

He was super nice. This might be stretching it, but I think he's kind of a celebrity, so we'll take it one step above celebrity sighting and say that I just had a celebrity interaction. If only Jake Gyllenhaal would write a book.

My, my, look at them now

2006-03-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

I watched the Oscars last night, but it was from a crowded bar, so I can't exactly give an accurate take.

Instead, I want to talk about karma again. Isn't it a b*****.

Today's example: Jen and Joey, Michelle and Katie.

Let's break it down:

Joey: Gets all the guys. Dawson loves her, Pacey loves her, SHE breaks up with Charlie (one tree hill guy, pre-one tree hill), gets the good job and boyfriend in the series finale, gets into the pseudo-ivy league school, can never choose between all the stellar guys that like her, I could go on.

Jen: Is an outcast from episode one. Slut, drunk, and so on. Dawson rejects her, Charlie cheats on her, CJ cheats on her with Audrey, she gets used by Chris (the popular kid in high school), is boozing it up with Abby when she drowns, Henry dumps her via internet, she gets accused of drugging Andy-thus reinstating her outcast status, and to literally put the nail in the coffin, she is "knocked up by her boyfriend and left to raise a baby on her own" and then she dies. And if you'll recall, she dies shortly after she faints at Dawson's mom's wedding, which was brought on by taking some sort of strong drug from Pacey and mixing it with her "red wine." (which actually looks like colored water) Tragic.

Maybe the producers just wanted to say, "Hey, Jen never got rid of her bad girl ways. We had to let her go. Ratings and all that. Fans would have rather Jen died than anyone else."

And THEN, to demonstrate how truly worthless Jen's character is, her "dying wish" was for Joey to choose between Dawson and Pacey. Please. Because she has nothing better to care about.

But look at Katie Holmes now. One large disaster. Her publicist is probably on suicide watch. She's shelved her career for a marriage to a certified crazy. I've seen her quoted as "the one weak link" in Batman Begins.

Michelle Williams. Front row at the Academy Awards. Married to Heath Ledger. Supporting Actress nominee. A few other independent films under her belt. And just as cute and thin as she can be.

In the "just pregnant category" I'd put Michelle Williams with Denise Richards. And a few months from now, could we put Katie Holmes with Britney Spears? Maybe so.

And if the question is "Don't you have anything better to do with your time?" the answer is an honest "No."

The verdict, part one

2006-03-03T12:13:00.000-05:00

This morning, I rolled out of bed to head down to SoHo for my 9:15 a.m. $18 haircut. (actual amount spent: $21. 73)

I was taken to a seat immediately, which was good.

And I'll say, I was nervous at first. My "student stylist" talked A LOT, and she was younger than me. She kept re-putting-up my hair in these weird little twists. Luckily, this was just going to be a trim, with some front layering.

We had to consult with one of her instructors before she began, which was reassuring.

The weird thing: when she finally got around to cutting my hair, I had to stand up as she trimmed the back. This girl was short. I took off my shoes for her.

The lowdown on Aveda Institute students:
They have seven months of schooling, and aren't allowed to cut actual hair until after 2 months. The first two months, they cut mannequin hair.
They do cut and color.
They only have two clients per day. The rest of the time, they train for the state boards (practical and written exam). Everyone dreads the state boards, because you have to do stupid stuff like perfect "pin curling," whatever that is.
They go to school Tuesday-Saturday.

Before she started the front layering, she also consulted the instructor. Again, reassuring.

Overall, she was really nice, and it was well worth any nerves associated with the amateurish-ness (not a word) of it. She did a great job with the blow out. Total time: approximately one hour.

The best part: at the end, the instructor comes over to see the results, and touches up your hair, if necessary. Awesome. professional cut, amateur price. I highly recommend.

Aveda Insitute. 233 Spring St.
Requirements: patience, faith, about $22, and one hour of your time.

Cross your fingers...

2006-03-02T19:01:00.000-05:00

I have officially made hair appointments with non-professionals.

Tomorrow, I go to the Aveda Institute. I'll be getting my hair cut for a breezy $18.

BUT, the kicker is the highlight appointment I've made for next Wednesday. Oscar Blondie.
$50. Can you believe it?

This experience is destined to become one that I will EITHER love OR hate about new york.

Either...Or

2006-03-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

EITHER Tony's Sushi adds crack cocaine to the wasabi, OR my addiction is purely mental.

EITHER my building actually believes that giving out Mardi Gras feathers on Ash Wednesday is the way to better living, OR they have nothing better to spend my atrocious rent payment on.

EITHER Uggs are in again OR all those times I saw them in the "Out" or "Five minutes ago" columns of magazines, it was like a "Not! Ha. These are NEVER going out of style, bee-otches" situation.

The 7 Greatest Films of 26 Years

2006-02-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I've been trying to watch AFI's "100 Greatest American Movies of All Time," which is actually a stupid thing to call it, since it's really "since 1915" and "until 1996." I mean, ALL TIME. Come on. But's that neither here nor there.

I've been working on this for about three years. I'm not even at 60%. The problem is, other movies get in the way. And while 100 may seem a small feat, you can see that it's taken quite some time.

Some of the movies I had already seen: The Wizard of Oz, Schindler's List, It's a Wonderful Life, etc. Some of the movies I had never heard of: The Searchers, The Third Man, The Gold Rush.

Some of the movies I have seen pieces of on TNT, TCM, etc., but I am determined to have a full, one-sitting viewing at an age where I can understand more about them, thus the low rate of accomplishment.

Anyway, I've thoroughly enjoyed most of the movies, some I've "liked." But there are a few that when I finally got around to watching them, I thought to myself, "I can't believe I haven't seen this movie before." I'm listing these.

1. The Graduate ('67)

2. On the Waterfront ('54)

3. Apocalypse Now ('79)

4. Midnight Cowboy ('69)

5. From Here to Eternity ('53)

6. Rebel without a Cause ('55)

7. Easy Rider ('69)

So, if you have no desire to watch the 100 greatest american films of "all time," above is a smaller block of 26 years and 7 films, that if you haven't seen them, you would do well to spend a few hours with.

Moving my feast

2006-02-24T16:54:00.000-05:00

"If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast."

I am officially "back."

Back to:

1. cab drivers that DON'T speak the native language.
2. sun! ha. and people say new york is gray.
3. sushi --everywhere.
4. American English.
5. last and least: reality.

I'm not going to recount the trip. But I have some observations upon my return:

a. My spanish is infinitely better than my french. understandably. Therefore, I was infinitely more comfortable in Spain than in France. But Paris had such an effect on me.

b. This was my second trip to Paris, my first being in 1998. I feel very differently about it now than I did then. Then, I remember it being hot and smelly. (It was June.) And if you've spent more than 10 minutes with me, you probably know that someone tried to take my wallet on the Eiffel Tower, so that was scarring. This time, it was cold, rainy, gray, and yet, so much better.

c. My mom made a good call in hiring a frenchman to drive us around for a day. Michele. Besides the fact that I honestly believed he was about to cough out his left lung between cigarette breaks, it was great. Michele worships Hemingway and loves to talk politics. His knowledge was inspiring.

d. How nice to come home to New York, where someone, in some neighborhood, on some street, has a restaurant, a cafe, a bistro, a brasserie, a tapas bar, that was built strictly to evoke the feeling of being somewhere else.

I'm back and feeling like I just don't know enough. And I need to do something about it.

Estoy aqui!

2006-02-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

Hello from Spain!

Right now, mom and I are in barcelona at the greatest hotel ever.

www.casacamper.com

Everything´s been lots of fun, we´re always a little tired, but there´s so much caffeine here, it´s easy to fix that.

One story:
My spanish has been useful so far, but I was a little nervous booking the sleeper train from Madrid to Barcelona, so when I bought the tickets, I told the man I wanted first class, and I should have tried to request a private room.
Second class is bad. First class is not good.
Six seats. three on both sides, facing each other. keep in mind, this train ride is about 9 hours long, and we´re on it from about 10 pm until 8 am. so we´re supposed to be sleeping, but one look at ¨first class¨and we realize it´s not happening. mom is not thrilled. at all.

luckily, there are two empty seats. we use this to our advantage. across from us:
some little russian-looking man and a really tall and skinny spaniard, maybe my age. pretty cute, actually. But I´m pretty sure that was his girlfriend on the phone for the first TWO HOURS of the trip.

So the russian-looking man goes to sleep almost immediately. he lies down on the seat next to him. he´s small. this works. he snores. not good.
from here on out, we´ll call him ¨sleepy dwarf.¨ tall skinny guy reclines his seat. mom and I follow suit. this has some potential. sleepy dwarf is no longer in his deepest stage, and isn´t cutting logs anymore. maybe we´ll actually sleep.

oh, no.

at about 2 am, the train stops, and some kid comes to the door of our ¨first class cabin.¨
he is a bit chubby, smells of rotten eggs, and has his earphones down on his neck so that he´s not the only one listening to his horrible selection of music. i would say it´s techno, but it´s not nearly as pleasant-sounding as techno.

sleepy dwarf has to get up so that chubby, smelly, loud music kid can sit next to him. the kid (we´ll call him augustus gloop) starts digging into his little plastic bag of food. geez.

you can imagine how the rest of the night went. luckily, my mom really loves me.

Field trip!

2006-02-14T15:13:00.000-05:00

Oh, karma.

I offer my sincerest apologies to Charlise and MB for anytime I may have teased them about their ending up in Brooklyn by mistake.

Today, I'm riding the subway, headed to the west side, only suddenly, there's light....and I realize I'm going to Queens. So I'm not really headed to the west side after all.

But no matter, I got off and then back on. Perhaps it's a rite of passage.

So, back on schedule. I had decided earlier to go hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes. I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

I needed a fix. And fix it was. Small coffee and devil's food cupcake with vanilla icing with red hearts and sprinkles on top. Then I decided that I was going to finally go see "Something New," a focus features film about a successful black woman who falls in love with her white landscape architect. I head uptown.

Strangely, I can't remember much about the walk. Could it have been the shot of sugar that I had consumed moments earlier?

Now, I'm doing laundry.
I have my new laundry card. I also have a starbucks card, two credit cards, two metrocards, an NYU student card, a JCrew store credit card. They're making Subway cards now. Like, Subway the food. Will it ever end?

My new love

2006-02-13T15:40:00.000-05:00

City Bakery, will you be my valentine?

My new favorite place:

www.thecitybakery.com

Oh yeah... THIS is why I moved to New York!

NY...N ast Y

2006-02-13T13:11:00.000-05:00

I got a message last night from my sister's friend that lives here.

"Hope you're enjoying the record-setting blizzard, since it's the worst New York has had since, like, the forties."

I just don't feel the same way about snow anymore. It's already ruined for me, at a youthful 24.
The things I noticed today were not snowmen, sleds, fires by the hearth, hot chocolate and mittens, but:

1. grey slush puddles. some just on the surface, some 6 inches deep.
2. bright yellow, jackson pollock-like lines "painted" on the piles of snow.
3. chunks of melting snow falling off buildings onto my head.
4. some people trying to get their picture taken near the flatiron building, but not able to keep their eyes open because of the glare.
5. a poor mailman having to burrow through a mound of snow to get to the bottom of the street collection box.

A "Nor'easter?"

2006-02-12T10:10:00.000-05:00

According to "how stuff works":

"They are known for dumping heavy amounts of rain and snow, producing hurricane-force winds, and creating high surfs that cause severe beach erosion and coastal flooding. A Nor'easter is named for the winds that blow in from the northeast and drive the storm up the east coast along the Gulf Stream..."

Great. It's completely white outside. Very few cars, and even fewer people.

So it's me, my apartment, and A Dawson's Creek season 3 marathon.

New York. By the Smells.

2006-02-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

HATE the smell of "burnt burn" that often accompanies hot nuts vendors.

LOVE the smell of laundry coming from buildings on the streets.

HATE when some moron bathes himself in cheap cologne and chokes everyone downwind.

LOVE the smell of the rafiqi vendors. (gyros, etc.)

HATE the smell of charcoal that is coming out of our refrigerator. Weird.

Diners beware...

2006-02-09T19:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, coffee ice cream is a bad idea.

Last night, I was eating dinner with a few girls, and a chocolate souffle was ordered for the 5 of us to split. A tiny little scoop of coffee ice cream accompanied the souffle.

Maybe, just maybe, I had four bites of the ice cream.

Big mistake---awake until 3 a.m.

I think, wow, surely I'm not anxious about anything. Could it be that the ice cream had an exorbitant amount of caffeine?

I place an a.m. call to Charlsie, AKA "friend with all useless knowledge" and she confirms my suspicions. "Lots of caffeine," she says.

"Never again," I say.

New York. Week One. By the Numbers.

2006-02-07T17:28:00.000-05:00

3.25 dollars and cents it cost to try on 5 wigs at Hannah's on the upper east side.
200+ dollars saved when decided that blonde is probably the best color for me.
6 times I've visited the corner drug store.
4 spend-the-night guests.
2 karaoke songs sung.
lots pieces of sushi eaten.
~12 times I've said aloud, "I can't believe I live here. Can you believe I live here?"
~12 times I've thought to myself, "I can't believe I live here."
2 visits to Bed, Bath, & Beyond.
2 times when in Bed, Bath, & Beyond that I wished I had a car.
1 celebrity sighting.

Splendor in the Grass

2006-02-06T15:43:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, a movie that I watch really leaves an impression. And by impression I mean- makes me cry.
I just finished Splendor in the Grass with Warren Beatty and Natalie Wood. It won an Academy Award for best original screenplay in 1961.
Perhaps the intention of the film is to portray life realistically. To show that when we are young, we have ideas about the future, and that when those ideas do not play out, it doesn't mean we have lost. Regardless of what you may gather from it, I highly recommend it.

The title is based on an excerpt from a Wordsworth poem:

What though the radiance
which was once so bright
be now forever taken from my sight
Though nothing can bring back the hour
of splendor in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find,
strength in what remains behind.

New York. Celebrity Sighting Number One.

2006-02-03T08:56:00.000-05:00

Last night was my birthday dinner. (Even though my birthday was February 1st).

We went to the Spice Market, a Thai-Malay restaurant in the meatpacking district.

And so did Teri Hatcher.

Yep. Somewhere between appetizers and entrees, we spotted her. She was only about 15 feet away from our table. We had various reactions.

Libby: Is that Teri Harcher? Can we get a picture?
Maggie: Oh my god. Can y'all please be quiet.
Emily: (laughter)
Traci: I'll take a picture. Beth, lean in.
Beth: Teri Hatcher? Who's Teri Hatcher? That girl from Superman?
Jennifer: Teri Hatcher! What would y'all do if I went over there and told her it was my birthday and would she please come sing to me? Teri Hatcher!

New York. First 24 Hours.

2006-02-01T18:12:00.000-05:00

Achievements:

1. developed half -dollar size blister on left heel.
2. "misplaced" apartment keys. must make copies tomorrow.
3. nailed curtains to the wall in hopes of sleeping past 8:15 a.m.
4. rummaged through purse looking for car keys after dinner. oops.
5. spent $50 plus on dinner, and mine was the cheapest.
6. decided to wear pumas and pack heels in my purse to meet girls out for dinner.
7. realized that I had not packed heels as intended.
8.wore tennis shoes to Tao, an asian fusion restaurant with a reputation for celebrity visits.

Office Safety Survey

2006-01-18T17:44:00.000-05:00

We had a safety seminar the other day. Here are the questions with sample answers from an anonymous employee.

1. How do you ride an elevator safely? hold on gently to rail
2. What do you do if you hear shots being fired outside your office? duck
3. What should you do if stranded on a highway and your car breaks down?
run into center, waving hands rapidly above.
4. What do you do if any stranger demands that you drive them somewhere?
ask for tip
5. What targets YOU as a potential victim? my shoes
6. How do you protect your "Personal Space"? label it as such
7. What do you do if asked for your money at gun point? ask how much
8. What do you do if someon tries to take you to a secondary location? politely decline
9. How can you make your home a "tough target" for a burglar? wrap entire house in tarp.
10. Do you know what a "safe room" is and how you can make one? yes, pad all the walls
11. How do you protect yourself against "Identity Theft"? wear name tag
12. What self-defense weapons are recommended by law enforcement agencies nationwide?
hands and feet

Golden Globes- my take

2006-01-17T10:30:00.000-05:00

I was being a sloth yesterday (honestly, deserved) and I came upon the E! red carpet Golden Globes preview. I'm like "Really? Golden Globes? Already?"

Yes, Yes, and Yes.

Ryan Secrest, Isaac Mizrahi, and two girls with weird last names were hosting. First of all, it's all very awkward. Some actors just don't feel like talking. And you KNOW they've answered the same questions about how they prepared for a particular role a million and six times. Then you've got Isaac asking about underwear, Ryan Secrest trying to pretend like he's not gay, and those girls talking about their crushes on George Clooney. I mean, the girl with the last name Depandi (or something like that) had a compact that said, "Mrs. Clooney." And I'm willing to bet she had that custom-made. Frankly, I was embarrassed for her. Think you can find that at "the icing" or Urban? I don't think so. I mean, what are the chances that the same tweenies that control the "Tiger Beat" market want to be "Mrs. Clooney?" Yeah, I want to marry my grandfather.

Also, I'm over celebrities "not wanting to talk about their personal lives." Zach Braff, we know you and Mandy Moore are dating. You sat together at your table. And of course everyone in L.A. is "chill" about your relationship. They're too busy worrying about their own "please, don't make me a one-hit wonder" careers to give a damn. And Gwyneth, I love you, but you're pregnant. We know it. One day, we'll do the math and figure out when you conceived. We'll know the sex, we'll know the name, and we'll know the birthday. Unless you're ready to create a little biosphere for yourself and your family, face it. You're a celebrity. And so is your husband.

So the dresses. I didn't see anything too terrible. Let me say that I have officially have crushes on Natalie Portman, Reese Witherspoon, Keira Knightley, and Evangeline Lilly.

Eric Bana. Hot.

And was anyone else thrilled about the absence of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan?

So, on to NBC, and the actual awards show.

George Clooney, why did you have to go and bring up politics? Criticizing Washington politics to a room full of actors is like praising Vince Young at a Univ. of Texas alumni meeting. Tough crowd. Please.

And where was Jake Gyllenhaal? Hopefully not off gallavanting with Kirsten Dunst. And who told Anne Hathaway that braided mess was a good idea?

I don't like be positive about relationships (especially not hollywood ones), but how cute were SJP and Matthew? And Reese and Ryan? And Felicity and Bill?

Teri Hatcher needs a little dose of something called humility, and the "housewives" need to calm down in general. Maybe lay off the alcohol a little.

As for the actual winners, I was happy. BUT of course "Walk the Line" won for the best musical/comedy, because it wasn't a musical OR a comedy. Hello. It was a DRAMA about musicians- that sing in parts of the movie, because that's what musicians do. Sure, there were some funny parts, but overall, I'd go with drama. I mean, it's not like they burst into song about what's currently going on in a scene. Really, I think it was just a lazy way of awarding "Walk the Line" and "Brokeback Mountain" without actually having to decide between the two.

And was it me, or did Joaquin look like he was on respite from a nasty rehab venture?

Mark your calendars, Academy Awards- March 5th.

New Celebrity Crush

2005-12-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

Hmmm...see that guy in the center? He's hot. And he has a hot British accent. You may remember him from the 2004 Mandy Moore masterpiece, Chasing Liberty, but if you're too ashamed to admit that you've seen it, go see Woody Allen's new film, Match Point. His name is Matthew Goode. And I called him.

Soundtrack to 2005

2005-12-28T10:49:00.000-05:00

Here's a collection of songs that will remind me of this past year.

1. Almost Honest- Josh Kelley- yay concert!

2. Bullet and a Target- Citizen Cope- I love Citizen Cope!

3. Glass, Concrete, and Stone- David Byrne- from the In Good Company soundtrack, which is not that great of a movie, but it's a good song.

4. Little Girl Blue- Nina Simone- Such a depressing song, but I love it. Perfect for all heartbreaks.

5. Georgia on my Mind- Ray Charles

6. Trapeze Swinger- Iron and Wine- also from the In Good Company soundtrack. A very long song, but I can play it on repeat.

7. Jesus Walks- Kanye West- from Jarhead, reminds me of Jake Gyllenhaal, my main celebrity crush of 2005.

8. Let me go- Cake- I love Cake! And this reminds me of riding in the car with Chris.

9. Life will go on- Chris Isaak- yet another depressing song, but sometimes you need them.

10. Someday- Flipsyde- even though my San Francisco trip was a fiasco, I took away this song from it, and that made it worth it.

11. Smile like you mean it- The Killers- I love The Killers! It's a good lesson in keeping your chin up.

12. Everything's Changing- Keane- Keane is the best!

13. Somebody to Love- Queen- "Find me somebody to love"- a mantra

14. They- Jem- yay concert!

15. District Sleeps Alone Tonight- Postal Service- obvious

"the cell phone poke"

2005-12-26T15:51:00.000-05:00

Someone please take my cell phone away.

So, facebook has introduced the whole "poking" phenomenon, in which you can say "hello" without actually having to say anything at all.

It also serves as a way for creepers that you don't know to try and get your attention. They look at your picture, they think you're cute, and they poke. Kind of weird.

Somehow, I've stretched the idea to cell phones. Occasionally, I'll call people (that I really shouldn't be calling) and I'll just hang up the phone. But these people do know me. Maybe they wish they didn't, but they do.

I don't actually have anything to say to them. It's a different type of drunk dial. I don't call and leave stupid messages that I'll be sorry about the next day. I never even put the phone to my ear. I don't wait for their voice and then hang up. I just let it go long enough that I know it's going to show up on their missed call list. About 20 seconds. Then I hang up the phone. Mind you, the rate of incidence is low, and this kind of behavior only follows after consumption of a certain poison.

Someone please take the alcohol away.

I could blank text, but no, I like the "call poke." My victims do not like the call poke. Understandable.

What happened to the days when drive-bys were the only ways to stalk people? Take me back to those days.

Or please, just take my cell phone away.

Good King Winceslas

2005-12-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, you know that part toward the end of Love Actually when Hugh Grant is going around, ringing doorbells, looking for Natalie, and the little girls think he's a caroler, so he has to start singing?

The song is "Good King Winceslas." The song is of particular interest to me because its melody is used in one of my all time favorite songs, "Little Girl Blue," by Nina Simone.

Here is a little history behind the song:

The words to the carol "Good King Wenceslas" were written by John Mason Neale and published in 1853, the music originates in Finland 300 years earlier. This Christmas carol is unusual as there is no reference in the lyrics to the nativity. Good King Wenceslas was the king of Bohemia in the 10th century. Good King Wenceslas was a Catholic and was martyred following his assassination by his brother Boleslaw and his supporters, his Saint's Day is September 28th, and he is the Patron Saint of the Czech Republic. St. Stephen's feast day was celebrated on 26th December which is why this song is sung as a Christmas carol.

And here are the lyrics:

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Gath'ring winter fuel

Source: http://www.carols.org.uk/good_king_wenceslas.htm

I think it's a British thing.

Do it, JB

2005-12-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

I don't like to show my personal writing. This is only the second of that type of entry. I wrote it while reading Sophie's Choice, so I was inspired by Stingo's love for Sophie-- and by William Styron, of course. I think most girls imagine this sort of thing happening at one point in their lives. The voice is that of a regretful boy.

"Unfortunately, this stunning creature was the very one I had left alone and confused on a late afternoon in the miserable month of February. And like she would never forgive me for that injustice which I had done her, nor would I, I told myself at that moment, be able to forgive myself. As she glanced up slowly toward me, her dark brown eyes emitted a subtle strength that simultaneously warmed and chilled my guilty soul. I had given her so much of myself only to snatch it away. Although the pride she had acquired both as a southerner and a female allowed her to look away quickly and seemingly without emotion, I easily absorbed the hurt. It's as if she was telling me, You hurt me, so much that now I cannot possibly permit you to matter.

To think that I no longer mattered to her was something that I could not accept, for she was the type of girl that allows very few people into her life, but once you have made it there, she holds you in the highest esteem and offers you every ounce of affection that's been inside her all along, waiting for you and only you. I was once in the position to be the recipient of her shower of affections, and she had been so bright and lovely to me and she possessed a purity and truthfulness that I would likely never encounter again. And for the brief time that we were together, she had made me happier than I had ever thought possible, espeically given the circumstances at the time.

I had been brave enough (no doubt, in part, thanks to not a few vodka tonics) the previous Christmas to inquire as to whether or not she had a boyfriend, and subsequently ask for her phone number. Growing up, she had always had a boyfriend, although she had also concurrently maintained a spirited independence, much to the dismay of her besotted significant others. We began a passionate verbal courtship, talking several times a day for six weeks, and then in a strange bout of panic and fear that often accompany young men in love, I left her as soon as she became real.

And for months, I had been able to forget her. But now, on this warm June evening, as she stood several feet in front of me, sun-tanned, thin, her streaked blonde hair hanging loosely down her back, I resisted a strong urge to slink up slowly behind her, join her in animated conversation, and place my hand upon the small of her back in a symbol of quiet, subtle possessiveness.

But I had forfeited that privilege quite some time ago. Instead, I looked away and hoped that I was the only one who had noticed her striking beauty that evening. No sooner had I thought it that an old friend of mine approached and noted that she had grown up quite nicely. The image of her beautiful face angled toward the sun still haunted me.

In one of our few moments together, we were waiting to cross a crowded street, and she pivoted to face the sun and inhaled as if the air were her sole source of nutrients. She expressed an appreciation for fine weather that I thought only I could understand. At the time, she was living in New York City, and snow and greyness and ice and cold wind occupied all of her days. Even to imagine her there was difficult for me at the time, her brilliance against the background of frowns and scarved necks. But we had come south for our rendezvous, and she was ecstatic to be there.

That one memory had crept into my dreams, since I would not allow her into my thoughts. But now she was not even a few feet in front of me, and dismissing her was quite impossible."

A Day in the Life (a literal blow by blow)

2005-12-06T19:27:00.000-05:00

I once had a friend call to ask me (and yes, in so many words), "What's it like to be 23 and single?"

Well, hungry readers, I'm going to take it one step further and tell you what it's like to be 23, single, and living alone (if only temporarily) in a city ---but not "the" city.

1. You wake up. 8 a.m. Today is a special day. Instead of job number one, the 9 to 5, the salary job, you are going to the number two, retail, and hourly job. You are going to have some job training. Hooray!
****You look out the window. Ahhhh...a blanket of snow. But you know better. You have lived in the northern part of the United States long enough to know that just because there's snow on the ground, doesn't mean you get to stay home and drink hot chocolate and make snowmen with your roommates. It means: deal.

2. You make some instant oatmeal. You don't have a microwave. So you heat up some water on the stove, old-fashioned style, and you eat your oatmeal in bed, listening to the radio. Because you don't have a kitchen table or cable tv.

3. You set up your blow-up mattress for when you move your bed out of your apartment. You are lying on the mattress, testing for firmness, when you get an important phone call.

4. Career rejection.

5. You take a shower. Plenty of hot water for you. Hooray!

6. You go out to your car. You are looking at your car, which is covered in 4 inches of snow, when your father calls. He is not pleased with you. He makes sure to convey this to you.

7. You are running late. There is snow all over your car, and now inside of it. It is cold outside. You drive around Georgetown, losing multiple parking spots to "that guy right in front of you." You park. You walk down to job number two. You don't have any makeup on. Your hair is blowing everywhere. It is cold outside. Did I mention that already?

8. Your mother calls. You tell her your woes. Open the flood gates. You try to pull yourself together, although you're overdue for a good cry.

9 Job training at job #2.

10. You meet your also-single friend for lunch. You walk down to Furin's. You are in the middle of complaining about your bad day (and it's not even halfway over) and he tells you that you probably have a parking ticket and you should have taken the bus. You think to yourself, "A parking ticket will probably cost more than what I'll make today at job number two. Fabulous."

11. You eat lunch with your friend. Both of you bitch the entire time. You think, we should have our own show. We can call it "Bitchin" and we can be like the anti-Oprah and spread negativity. And instead of the Angel Network, we can have SM, Satan's Messengers.

12. Some more job training.

13. You can't decide where you're going to eat dinner. You finally go into a greek place. You order some food to go. There are two other single-looking girls your age, also getting food to go. It's depressing. While you're at the counter, someone calls the cashier. You hear the cashier say "last four digits of your phone number?" and then "chicken salad, right?" Visions of Miranda Hobbs, single, 35+,and ordering chinese flash before your eyes.

14. Your food is ready. You take it, you step out the door, and you fall to your knees. Luckily, the food is intact. You stand up, realizing that stepping DOWN would have been the key to a safe and graceful exit.

15. You get home. You think about your day. You turn on Bridget Jones' Diary. It seems appropriate. You think, maybe I should have a glass of wine. But then you think, oh yeah, I only have plastic silverware, a set of steak knives, and an egg separator. Sobriety it is.

Turkey and other tips

2005-11-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

Emily and I roasted a turkey Sunday. We all learn from our mistakes.

1. The giblets bag is at the back of the turkey. The neck is stuffed in the front.

2. Make sure to put turkey in a huge pan to catch all the juices, unless you like having your apartment reeking of smoke for hours.

3. There is A LOT of meat in a 20-lb. turkey.

On another note, I'm going to pass along some knowledge obtained from my latest audiobook, Kitchen Confidential.

1. Don't order fish on Mondays.
2. Be leery of fish specials.
3. Don't order your meat well done.
4. If the bathroom is gross, the kitchen is too.
5. Chefs HATE brunch.
6. Chefs hate vegetarians.
7. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best days to eat out. Cooks are on top of their game.

Michael G and the Purple X

2005-11-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

We met Michael G. several weeks ago when the fat ankle wonder came to town (AKA Kathy G).
And ever since, he can be labelled "personally responsible" for not a few of my hangovers. This weekend was no exception.

After a lovely trip to the burbs (aka Ballston) to watch The Tide get rolled over in OT, we went to the home of some lovely newlyweds in Old Towne to watch The Dawgs...well, lose. Anyway, out comes the bottle of tequila, literally a purple x. A "bottle" shaped like a purple x. Tough to imagine, but possible nonetheless. It's unnecessary to recount the mid-events of the evening in detail. In sum:

1. Lost to auburn (tequila helps mental anguish, in case anyone was curious about that)
2. Waded through the masses at Saloun, only to see an old sorority "sister" and shoot her ugly looks.
3. Danced at Old Glory. And no, it's not a dance club. We were the only ones dancing.
4. Stood for about 15 minutes in Town Hall and decided I had to leave immediately. Walked home sans shoes.

I'm not going to swear off alcohol in the traditional style. Nor will I blame it on the tequila. I'm going to go one step further and blame Michael G., whose hazing efforts are never in vain.

Caffeine and Alcohol: Are you a victim of the cycle?

2005-11-11T13:36:00.000-05:00

Obviously, I have a bizarre obsession with caffeine as a drug. This led to some research.

1. Caffeine's medical term: trimethylxanthine

2. Caffeine blocks the hypnotic effect of adenosine and keeps us from falling asleep.

3. Consumption causes increased neuron firing, then the pituitary gland releases hormones that tell the adrenal gland to produce adrenaline.

4. This makes your muscles tighter and your heart beat faster.

5. Caffeine increases your dopamine levels, just like heroin. So caffeine is a mood enhancer.

And now, for alcohol.

1. When you consume alcohol, 20% goes to your stomach and 80% goes to your small intestine.

2. Your kidneys, lungs, and liver all help release alcohol from your body once consumed.

3. There are about 6 definitive behavioral stages that follow alcohol consumption:

a. EUPHORIA (.03-.12 BAC)
you feel self-confident, daring
short attention span
look flushed
judgment not good, say first thought that comes to mind, rather than the
appropriate comment for a given situation

b. EXCITEMENT (.09-.25 BAC)
sleepy
trouble understanding
lose balance
blurry vision

c. CONFUSION
d. STUPOR
e. COMA
f. DEATH (BAC greater than .5 %)

I didn't elaborate on the last stages because I, for one, rarely get past the excitement level. And if I have, someone of relative intelligence and sobriety has escorted me calmly home (I owe you one, Charlsie).

Keeping in mind that alcohol was defined in 10th grade health class (thanks, PE coach) as a depressant, when you wake up from a hangover and you grab a much-needed Coke, you're in it--"the cyle."

Jarhead

2005-11-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

Remember in Sex and the City when Carrie says she used to buy Vogue instead of eat when she first moved to New York? Well, I'd rather go to movies. Last night, I went to see Jarhead at the movie theater closest to my office building. $9.50. Not kidding.

As much as I love movies, $10 is pretty harsh. I mean, I could buy a pair of Josh Kelley underwear with that. And producers can't understand why people aren't going to the movies. Please. It's because they need to FEED THEIR FAMILIES.

But Jake Gyllenhaal on the big screen was worth every penny of going to bed hungry. Hottie-hot-hot.

And, just like you've been hearing, it's pretty neutral, it's no Platoon or Saving Private Ryan. It should be retitled--- Bored, Crazy Boys in the Desert. I definitely averted my eyes a few times, but that's probably because I'm a vicious prude (thanks, mom).

I definitely recommend it. But for heaven's sake, go see a matinee.

Clarissa Explains It All

2005-11-09T10:02:00.000-05:00

What is my problem? I never post anything these days. And I've actually had some exciting things going on.

This is less than exciting, but could be interesting to those of you with an appreciation for Nickelodeon nostalgia.

I rented Clarissa Explains It All season one on Netflix. Remember Ferg-face, Janet, Marshall and Sam? I'm actually pretty impressed with the writing on the show. I was pretty disappointed when I revisited Party of Five, but this is quality stuff. So maybe Melissa Joan Hart hasn't taken stardom to new heights, but she was a good Clarissa.

Netflix is so awesome.

"We're with the band"

2005-11-07T10:38:00.000-05:00

Sunday night, Josh Kelley and Jem performed at the 9:30 club in DC.

First of all, I love Jem. And by the way, she is TINY. My fave songs are:

"They"
"Wish I"
"Just A Ride"
"Stay Now"

But on to more important things. Charles Kelley is Josh's younger and equally musically talented bro, and an old friend (all the way back to sixth grade). So I emailed Wil (thanks facebook) and got Charles' phone number. I called Charles, and he put me (plus one) on the list. Exciting. I mean, it's no SmithPoint, but still, a list.

So Sunday night after a short traipse through the ghetto from the U St. Metro Station, we arrived safely at the 9:30 club. After surveying the scene and starting a tab, we (Me, Emily, Nikki) spotted Charles. Difficult to miss, considering he's the only 10-foot-tall blonde in the joint. We noticed that he was with a girl. We got down to the floor, (Josh has started to play by now) and Charles introduced us to "Katie."

"Katie" is otherwise known as Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy. And let me just say she is precious and has beautiful skin. And it's a good thing that I don't watch Grey's Anatomy because I might have been freaked out like I was the time I was with Jenna Bush in the bathroom at Saloun. I mean, it's not so much starstruck as it is "celebrities make me really uncomfortable."

It's also a good thing that it didn't occur to me at the time that "Katie" was in
My Father the Hero. Because I might have been trying not to stare at her all night, and later, I would have said (in a Tourette's-esque, highly disturbing burst) "I was obsessed with you in
My Father the Hero. I wanted to BE you." And really, it just would have been embarrassing for everyone involved. Phew. Dodged a bullet with that one.

Katie is also the star of Josh's music video, "Only You." Watch it here:

http://music.aol.com/artist/main.adp?_pgtyp=pdct&artistid=559825#

AND Jem has lots of songs on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack. Coincidence? Hmmm....

Anyway, Josh's show was great. He has a really colorful band, and it was so neat seeing him. Charles jumped on stage to sing a verse of "The Weight" by The Band. And then Jem was also very cool. I also want to note that they sell "don't go act all sweetness" underwear at the shows. $10. No comment.

So after the show, we hung out on the tour bus, and at the downstairs bar in the 9:30 club. I didn't go to bed until 3 a.m. Work was not fun Monday.

Everyone needs to buy Josh Kelley songs, especially because I made Charles promise that if Josh gets to play on SNL, I have to be invited. AND Charles is going to start "laying some tracks down" soon. I told him, "I'll buy you on itunes." You can listen to some songs here:

http://myspace.com/charleskelley

Whoa. What if Augusta, GA, becomes no longer the home of crooked, domestic abuser sex machine James Brown, but of "The Kelley Brothers?"

oh no!

2005-10-28T11:11:00.000-05:00

Your Celebrity Style Twin is Kirsten Dunst

More hippie chic than hippie chick.

Who's" Your Celebrity Style Twin?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

You asking him when you're ready (after turning him down many times!)

What's" Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Kirk Cameron

Who's" Your 80's Heartthrob?

New Obsession

2005-10-27T09:19:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, I get obsessed with some new taste. But when I express excitement (Because with me, it's ALWAYS the little things) people say, "Yeah, you've never heard of that before?"

For example, the summer after my junior year of high school, I became obsessed with making baked potatoes with ham, cheddar, and ranch dressing. I was really proud of myself for the invention, thinking I had brought the idea home from Europe. My boyfriend at the time assured me that people do the potato, ham, cheddar, ranch thing all the time.

Can't you just envision my poor little excited face, sinking in disappointment? First the eyebrows furrow, then the lip pouts just slightly...a flash of denial, possibly some resentment, and then the rolled eyes of acceptance. Nonetheless, that didn't take away from that fabulous combination of foods.

Now, for me, eating ham is extremely rare. We're talking half a dozen times a year. That's why it's an obsession. A phase, if you will.

Onto the latest obsession: The Nobadeer (for which I have Kathryn to thank). Okay, so it's a $7 sandwich. And okay, I'm contributing the financial well-being of Mr. Smith Point himself, (Smith Point=the Paris Hilton of bars---read: love to hate) because the Smith Point guy ALSO owns this sandwich restaurant.

Okay, and the name is a little pretentious-Nobadeer is the name of a beach on Nantucket, or something like that.

BUT it's so good. It's thick thanksgiving turkey on white bread with stuffing and cranberry sauce. No mayo.

You think, "People do this all the time. It's called Thanksgiving leftovers, moron."

Okay, sorry. We don't do that in the Brown household, okay. I mean, we eat leftovers, but not that perfect combination of leftovers.
Maybe we do. I don't know. Maybe my dad does it and I never paid attention.

Anyway, it's good. Am I ruining Thanksgiving for myself? Maybe. But do I care? Not really.

Explaining absence

2005-10-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in a while. I guess life hasn't been too exciting. That sounds so depressing. Well, I've certainly had some crazy nights and some interesting conversations. But mostly I've been introspective, and that's just not something I want to do on the computer. There's some change on the horizon...

Occasionally I like to look at my Netflix history, and I've had Netflix now for 16 months.
So I'm going to make some recommendations.

Caution: Most of these movies are really intense. Some of them do not have happy endings. Most of them are shocking, and they have made an imprint, which is why I'm recommending them. They might make you think a little differently.

Actor Obsessions:

1. The Believer with Ryan Gosling. Very intense. Ryan Gosling is a neo-Nazi. This is based on a true story.
2. The Station Agent with Patricia Clarkson.
3. Gorky Park with William Hurt.
4. P.S.with Laura Linney and Topher Grace.
5. Scarface with Al Pacino.

Classics:

1. Midnight Cowboy with Jon Voigt and Dustin Hoffman. This was Dustin Hoffman's first role after The Graduate, and it's amazing what a range he displays.
2. Giant with Rock Hudson, Elizabeth Taylor, James Dean. It's so funny to see how they used to portray "aging" in movies. Just add some baby powder and GO.
3. On the Waterfront with Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando is super hot in this movie, and captivating. It's kind of like, "what happened?'
4. Ordinary People is Robert Redford's directorial debut. I think I've written about it before.

Documentaries:
1. The Lifestyle: Swinging in America. Crazy. And a little gross.
2. Devil's Playground is about Amish kids during the year in which they decide to leave or stay with the church. Can you really go wrong with Crystal meth and a horse and buggy?
3. 7 up series- I've also written about this.
4. Capturing the Friedmans- about a family while their father is being convicted of child molestation.

Independents/Foreign:
1. Rushmore precedes The Royal Tenenbaums and The Life Aquatic.
2. Talk to Her is a crazy Spanish movie. The whole concept is a little shocking, but there's this one particular scene that you will NEVER forget.
3. Y Tu Mama Tambien one word: hot.

Wild weekend, growing up, "the gimp"

2005-10-18T11:01:00.000-05:00

Kathryn "the gimp" came to visit us this past weekend. For those of you that know her, you know she's a straight-shooter, and I don't mean shots (but maybe I do...).

At any rate, we had an unexpectedly wild weekend. Props to Kathryn for being "a pie"- Spanish for "on foot" (pronounced AH-pee-AY) - for a large majority of the weekend, in between resting her foot under two bags of frozen peas- one organic, one grocery store brand, in case you were wondering.

We spent both nights with two entirely different groups of guys. Friday night- Northeastern, Ivy League. Saturday night- Southeastern, SEC. One night we discussed Harvard v. Yale. The other, Alabama v. Ole Miss. No were not discussing the Harvard v. Yale football game, nor were we discussing the particular merits of attending school in Tuscaloosa v. Oxford, MS. I won't go into details, but I will say the experiences were diametrically opposed. But both very fun. One of the nights I encountered quite possibly the rudest person I've met in years. The other night I met one of the funniest people I've met in years.

How much do our respective colleges affect who we are? A lot, I think.

On that note, I've been watching "The 7 Up Series," a series of documentaries about a group of children growing up in England. They were chosen at the age of 7, and every 7 years the director revisits them to see how they've fared in the time that has passed. It really is one of the most interesting studies I've seen. I've seen 7, 14, 21, and 28 thus far. Which is perfect for me. It makes me think:

1. What was I like at 7?
2. 14?
3. 21?
4. And what will I be like at 28?

As for the answers:
1. Idealistic, kind.
2. Very social, rude to my mom.
3. Depressed and overwhelmed.
4. Wealthy and fabulous. (haha)

Boys Bathroom Adventures in the Land of Really Good Looking People

2005-10-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Derek Zoolander

I went to visit my sister this weekend at school. "Homely" does not describe the creatures that grace the halls and green spaces of this southern university. Nor does the word, "Einstein-ish."

One conversation:
Boy: Yeah, it's good to talk to a Georgia girl, I mean, there are some really pretty girls at this school, but the engine's running and nobody's behind the wheel, you know what I mean?

This boy was not kidding. I mean, I kept looking around and thinking, even the not-so-cute ones are pretty darn cute.

I went with my sister to a fraternity party. If that isn't the epitome of college, I don't know what is. Along with free beer, free music, no cover charge, and no fake i.d., comes a con---lots of girls, not very many bathrooms for girls. So, I tell my sister we need to find a "secret" bathroom and cunningly skip the line. Turns out the "secret" bathroom is-- the boys bathroom. But once we were in, we were in. No lines. Mostly because all boys don't use stalls anyway, which makes for a lovely entrance.

My sister and I run in, and I make her guard the door, but she can't take it anymore.
"Let me in!" she cries.
"Okay, okay!" I reply.
"Ew. ew. Oh my gosh. Did you see all those guys. We're definitely the only girls in here."
"Did they notice us? They're too drunk anyway. They don't care."

As my sister and I prepare to leave our stall, we hear a voice. My sister recognizes it as that of an ex-boyfriend.
She goes wide-eyed.
We run out, and of course, she looks to check that it's him, at the urinal.
It is.

Later that night:

My sister: Can you believe we saw **** in the boys bathroom?
Me: I know, of all people.
My sister: Of all PLACES.
Me: yeah, good point.

shhh...it's a secret

2005-10-07T11:01:00.000-05:00

Once, when I was at summer camp, my mom sent me a letter in which she questioned Victoria's Secret. As in, she guessed that Victoria's Secret was that she was a MAN. My mom is quite the witty woman, and I suppose she was using her letters to me as a way of expressing her comedic genius. Sounds like someone I look at in the mirror every day. Her name is Jennifer, and she is damn funny. It's all coming together...

So last night, I went to Tyson's I (a mall) with few people from work. Tyson's Corner could also be called Satan's Gift to Commuters. The traffic here has got to be close to the worst in the country. No one lives out here-they just work here. It's that bad. Nothing but buildings, concrete, and cars. And there are two huge malls, and if weren't bad enough, now Tyson's I has a movie theater. Last year, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it took me 2 hours to get home once. 2 hours. MAYBE 20 miles. You do the math.

Anyway, we were going to check out the controversial window display in the new Victoria's Secret store. And after last night, I have a theory of my own. Victoria has a new secret: she is a dirty slut.

Read below:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/10/04/AR2005100401413.html

Good Service Alert

2005-10-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

Few things bring a smile to my face like good service. The other day, I went to Whole Foods to get something for dinner. At the counter of the prepared foods, I ask if they have anything spicy to clear my sinuses. The guy says no, but he brings me out a little sample cup of red pepper flakes from the kitchen. Wasn't that so nice??

And, once again, I think I am the champion of spicy foods, and so I dump the entire cup into my chicken and asparagus salad, and now I sit here, nose running, lips red, tongue in flames.

Yale Dining Hall!!! Yes!

2005-10-05T11:07:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I flew to Hartford, CT, to visit Beth Barfield Walker. I have to say her whole name, because she's only been married a year, so I can't quite get the whole new-last-name thing.

Anyway, I've been to Maine before with my family, and I've been to New York City, but not to the "Northeast." No, Washington, DC, is NOT part of the Northeast. Some people think Maryland is part of the South. Ha. I laugh.

Beth lives in Hamden, which is basically New Haven, just not on the postal address, know what I mean? It's not even the difference between North and South Milledge, as far as I'm concerned.

So Beth picks me up from the airport, and we go to the famous pizza place Frank Pepe's. Very good. I was impressed, but exhausted. We went back to her (precious) apartment and I was asleep by 10:30.

The highlight of the trip, besides seeing Beth, of course, was the tour of Yale. It became apparent during our the course of the day that I really wanted to see a Dining Hall. Don't ask. Well you have to have i.d. cards to get into the buildings, and Beth had left hers at home. Okay, so maybe no dining hall. But THEN, there it was--an open gate. The gates of heaven, I don't know. We walk in, and I get to see it- a dining hall in one of the "colleges." So it's not quite the Harry Potter caf, but still impressive, with the clinking of the metal spoons on glass and the smell of toast. Each college has their own cafeteria. How exclusive.

It's occurring to me that I might have a problem. Shouldn't I have been more impressed by the architecture as a whole, the grand traditions, the great men who have walked the courtyards before me, the prestige in the air, the inspiring halls of learning? Perhaps. But wasn't it Adam Sandler who said, "In Lunch Lady Land, all your dreams come true." ?

Quickly. Post Office. Go!

2005-09-30T10:09:00.000-05:00

I just got back from the post office. I don't actually collect stamps, but it's going to be hard to use these. They are amazing! Go buy some.
http://www.usps.com/communications/news/stamps/2005/sr05_046.htm

Addendum

2005-09-29T11:06:00.000-05:00

To the Cannes Advertising post.

When you get to the home page, go to:

1. Winners and Shortlists (left column)
2. FILM: Winners now available, VIEW
3. Grand Prix and Gold tabs

p.s. This is only the website for the advertising awards, the actual feature film festival has a completely different site.

Revisiting the 90s

2005-09-29T10:52:00.000-05:00

Brought on by my new obsession with Lost, I rented Party of Five (season one) on dvd.
Remember Bailey, Charlie, Claudia, and Julia? Talk about family drama. And if you aren't catching the connection, Charlie (Matthew Fox) is Jack on Lost. When I talk about Jack on Lost, I still call him Charlie. I think it drives Emily crazy. Mostly because there's another Charlie on Lost, Dominic Monaghan (you know, either Merry or Pippin from Lord of the Rings), so it gets confusing.

Anyway, the Salinger kids have just lost their parents in a car accident and are trying to make it on their own in mid-90s San Francisco. I used to LOVE this show. I was in middle school, and I probably wanted to be Jennifer Love Hewitt. Haha. Times have changed.

Oh, the 90s: flannel shirts, above waist-line-non-designer jeans, leather jackets, coffee shops, pre-coke habit Brittany Murphy, and no cell phones. How DID we manage?

Welcome to the Dior Show

2005-09-29T10:44:00.000-05:00

Two days ago, I was hazed into purchasing $22 mascara.
I'm standing there in Neiman Marcus, minding my own business, looking at bath products that I neither need nor can afford, and the Dior lady starts talking to me about my eyelashes.

She tells me that Diorshow mascara is the #1 selling mascara (umm... not at Eckerd's) and that they sell 20 a day, blah blah. Then she sits me down, removes my current eye makeup, and applies Diorshow.

I notice a difference. I purchase the mascara. You can call me sucker, all my friends do.

But here's the thing: Do my eyelashes look better because I'm spending more time on them, trying to justify the purchase? Or does the Diorshow actually make a difference?

Cannes Advertising

2005-09-27T08:48:00.000-05:00

Many of you are familiar with the Cannes Film Festival that takes place in May each year.

Here's a few things about the 2005 film festival, FYI:

1. The "Official Selection" of the festival is posted in mid-April. The Official Selection consists of about 20 films that will be able to vie for the "Palme d'Or"-- the very top prize.
2. The recipient of this year's Palme d'Or was L'Enfant.
3. The next notable prize is the Grand Prix-- which went to Broken Flowers, starring Bill Murray. (Yay! Right, Beth?)

But on to more relative issues.

What you may not know is that in June, they hold a similar festival for advertising. Last night, USA Today hosted a showing of the winning spots from Cannes this year. So basically, this was the domestic premiere of the best advertisements in the world in 2005. Okay, so there wasn't exactly a red carpet, or paparazzi, and I wore jeans. But it WAS catered, there WAS alcohol, and our agency paid for our tickets. The event kicked off Advertising Week in DC. There is no Palme d'Or of the Advertising festival, just a Grand Prix. This year's Grand Prix went to a Honda Diesel commerical entitled, "Grrr." Wieden + Kennedy in the United Kingdom developed the spot. Very catchy song, btw. Please go watch the commercial. If you've got some time and high-speed internet access, you have no excuse.

www.canneslions.com

Here are a few other ads that are worth mentioning and watching. (All Gold prizes)

1. "Golf"
Pfizer Canada for Viagra
Canada
***Very funny

2. "Jinxed"
Kimberly-Clark for Kleenex
Brazil
***Also very funny

3. "Red-Eyed Baby"
Olympus
Netherlands
***More creepy than funny, audience response could be described as mildly horrified.

4. "L'Equipe"
L'Equipe newspaper
France
***Very funny, took me a second to get it.

5. "Magic"
Peru
***Very touching

6. "Vibrators"
AIDS Awareness
France
***Highly inappropriate for a television audience, but poignant.

Recommendation

2005-09-21T09:01:00.000-05:00

My sister is really good at finding music. She's basically a lot cooler than me, and so I depend on her to introduce me to new songs and artists. For once, though, I may have an inside track on a band--but only because I went to California two months ago and this group is California-based.

The group is "Flipsyde." It's hard to compare them to anyone. They're a fusion group, I guess like The Roots, but not. Anyway, they only have one album out, "We the People." There are two songs I really like: "Someday" and "Angel." If anything, listen to their samples on itunes.

Oh, and I had a nightmare last night that I was in the airport about to leave for Europe and my cousin Lauren and I fell down an empty elevator shaft, but we climbed back up. Scary. Whoa- this just occurred to me---maybe I have "Lost" on the brain, and I'm imagining myself falling into "the hatch." I probably need to get a life.

Breaking My Vows

2005-09-20T10:28:00.000-05:00

Somewhere along the way, I know I vowed never to mention Starbucks in my blog. But today, I was impressed, and had to pass this bit of info along.

You know how when you make iced tea, it's best to put the sugar in while it's warm so it dissolves better? So if you like sweet tea, and they only have unsweet tea in the restaurant, and then you add Equal or whatever to the iced tea, it's just not the same, so you just end up ordering a Coke instead (and if they say they have Pepsi, you say, "never mind, I'll just have a water." And then you're straight bummed.)?

WELL, I have gotten into the habit of ordering "tall, iced, skim" lattes from Starbucks. Today, my barista made a suggestion after watching me empty a packet of splenda into my little plastic cup: when you order, ask for the sugar in the order. So from now on, I'm supposed to say, "tall, skim, iced latte, one splenda." And they'll put it in for me--and it will taste better!!! Is that amazing or what? Crazy. Seriously, talk about service. Maybe everyone already knew that.

AND when it gets warmer, and I order tall skim lattes, and I always get annoyed because it's hard to mix the splenda in with the foam on top----problem solved. I consider this tip to be a bit of a life-changer. I know it's a little melodramatic, but I see better-tasting coffee in my future.

One more thing:

You know how when you say you went to school at the University of Georgia and people say, "Athens. I've always wanted to go there. REM, Widespread Panic, B52s..." ?

Don't you want to say, "Yeah, 1980, 1982, mid-70s. We've moved on. So should you." ?

Urban Y-Fronts and Jennifer in Wonderland--Lost and Spellbound

2005-09-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

Urban Y-Fronts

Y-front is a British term for men's underwear. And I don't mean boxers. I went to an art show with Chris on Saturday night. The show was in Columbia Heights, a neighborhood in Northeast D.C. That night, for the first time, I saw a set of real-live hookers, but that comes later.
Here's the website for the artist, Steve Frost, aka "Kid Flash."

www.stevefroststudios.com

Steve is a textile artist, so the art was basically fabric patterns and stitching. Very colorful. I really enjoyed the showing. It was a quite a departure from the tedious sameness of my neighborhood.
It took me a second to realize that the theme was men's underwear, but when it became obvious, it became REALLY OBVIOUS. One or two pieces were slightly graphic in nature, but those were mixed media pieces. The title of one piece-- "Spank." We were there for about two hours. Then we decided to meet Chris' sister at a bar, also in Columbia Heights, called "Wonderland Ballroom." Once again, quite a departure from "Smith Point" and "Daily Grill" and "Saloun." We got in the car and Chris said, "did you see that?" Of course I hadn't, because I always miss the good stuff, but when I turned my head, they were turning the corner. Certified hookers, wearing those things they sell in Victoria's Secret and all. Don't see that on the corner of Calvert and Wisconsin, that's for sure.

Jennifer in Wonderland

After I drank a soy white russian courtesy of Chris' sister, we walked down to Wonderland. Chris insisted that we take a picture in front of the sign because he seemed sure that it would rock my world. Chris has never been to Athens, Ga. But the bar WAS different even from an Athens bar in that it was definitely ethnically diverse. I really had a good time, even though I was dead sober. I couldn't go to a bar called "East West" dead sober, but I could go to a "Wonderland." Chris took advantage of my driver status and opted against sobriety.
Thus the following story:
This guy is walking around, greased black hair, tattoos, and a cutoff white shirt and jeans. I lean over to Chris and say, "That guy looks straight out of Grease." Chris laughs. Later, we see this same man in the line for the bathroom. Chris says to him, "My friend says you look like you've been to Greece." The man says, "Actually, I have been to Greece. I just got back from Mykonos."
Chris and Kenickie discuss Greece. Later, once we are alone, I clarify. "Chris," I say, "I said he looks like he belongs in Grease, like the broadway musical Grease." "Ohhhh," came his response.
I mean, I guess the guy looked like he could be from the Mediterranean. Whatever.

Lost

I watched Lost Season One on DVD this weekend, courtesy of Emily. The whole season. I am now a huge fan and so excited about their Emmy win. The whole season, give or take a few episodes = 14 hours. I'm surprised I can even walk today.

Spellbound

Friday afternoon, I watched Spellbound, a documentary about kids who compete for the title of National Spelling Champion in DC in April every year. Wow. I was nervous just watching them. No wonder ESPN comes. I can really relate to those kids (sort of) because I used to be so nervous about spelling bees that once I deliberately missed school on the day of the class spelling bee. I was pretty good at spelling, and I just didn't want to deal with it. How's that for not competitive? Spellbound follows eight students on their quest to be the champ. It's very compelling, because you really want one of them to win, and it could be anybody. Poor kids. One girl spent 8 or 9 hours a day, all summer, learning her words. Crazy. Can we say discipline? I spent 8 or 9 hours watching TV on DVD yesterday. Does that count?

Bambino, Buckner, and Boys

2005-09-14T10:49:00.000-05:00

In 1918, the Boston Red Sox won their 5th (and unprecedented) World Series.

In 1920, Owner Harry Frazee needed money to finance his girlfriend's play (think Citizen Kane), so he sold Babe Ruth's contract to the New York Yankees for $100,000.

I'm sure that this is common knowledge to anyone living above ground in the fall of 2004. BUT I was recovering from surgery and moving to a new city, so as often as I heard "Reverse The Curse," I still didn't grasp the true miracle that was the Red Sox World Series win--until I watched Fever Pitch last night.

In the movie (which was given 3.5 stars by Roger Ebert, btw) Jimmy Fallon is a HUGE Red Sox fan and Drew Barrymore is his girlfriend. The movie is basically about compromise in relationships.
In my favorite scene, Jimmy Fallon is down. He locks himself in his apartment, puts aluminum foil in his windows, eats buffalo wings and watches Red Sox game tapes until his friends intervene. When his friends find him, he's watching "the Buckner tape."

I was prompted to do some research.

First, I mention the movie to the resident Red Sox guru at my office, Pete. Keep in mind, Pete has not seen this movie. When I even mention that Jimmy Fallon's character watches A TAPE, Pete says, "the Buckner tape?"

I obtained the above and following information from two websites. www.soxsuck.com, www.bambinoscurse.com.

1. Basically, after Babe Ruth moved over to the Yankees, things changed. The Yankees, who had never previously won a World Series, have now won 26 titles. Impressive. Thus, the Curse of the Bambino. Which is probably the "Blessing of the Bambino" to the Yankees.
2. May 1, 1920. Babe Ruth hits his first home run versus the Red Sox. The Yankees win 6-0.

Now, skip ahead 66 years. Still, no World Series wins for the Red Sox.

It is October 25, 1986. Boston leads the World Series v. the New York Mets, 3-2.
Game 6: Tied 3-3 after 9 innings. They go into extra innings.
10th inning. Sox score 2 runs in the top.

Then Mets at bat. Bob Stanley is pitching.
The Mets score 2 runs to tie the game. The score is 5-5. There is a runner on 2nd (Knight).
Wilson is at bat--for a long time. All he needs is one strike. Finally, on the 10th pitch,

"Wilson hit a slow grounder towards first. The ball rolled under Bill Buckner's glove into short right as Knight rounded third to score the winning run."

"under Bill Buckner's glove." Some say "between Buckner's legs." But you get it. Major error.

So then the series is tied 3-3 and the Mets win game 7. Hopes are dashed. Bill Buckner is released from the Red Sox in 1987.

"(Boston Manager) McNamara later said that he had left Buckner in the game so that he would be on the field when the team won the World Series."

Now, skip ahead 18 years. The Sox come back from a 3-0 deficit (unprecedented) in the American League Championship Series to win the pennant and advance to the World Series.

HUGE.

Now, here's a little trivia from www.imdb.com regarding Fever Pitch:

"On 27 October 2004, Game 4 of the 2004 World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and Boston Red Sox, the finale of this film was shot. After the last play of the game in the bottom of the ninth during the Red Sox celebration, stars Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon were filmed also celebrating together on the field. A brief shot of the filming could be seen live on the Fox broadcast of the World Series. Rewrites by the Farrelly brothers had to be done immediately following the World Series game 7 clincher of the ALCS against the New York Yankees to include the historic 2004 Boston Red Sox postseason."

Now to the "boys" part of this post. The interesting thing is that 9.5 out of 10 boys could recite all of those facts to me. For boys this post is useless. Old news. Of no interest.

But for women, it's a different story. While all of this is very interesting, it took Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore to make me care. And I'm no sports fan, but I do like to keep up. I think women need their own sports columns. With fun stories and just the "most important details." Cliffs Notes.

P.S. I've been told that only a Southern girl would use the term "boy" in reference to an adult male.
If that's wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

HOW TO BE A LADY

2005-09-12T15:19:00.000-05:00

My mom bought me this book at Brooks Brothers. I am sure it is easily obtained.

Here is a very small sample of rules from the book (by Candice Simpson-Giles):

1. A lady doesn't talk during a performance, sermon, or lecture.
--Oops. Does passing notes count?

2. A lady is careful how she acts at the yearly office party.
--Visions of Bridget Jones pop into my head. Then of me, taking shots with the boss at Cilantro in Georgetown. Mind you, the party came on the heels of a vicious breakup. (see rule #8)

3. A lady is always on time.
--Ha!

4. A lady makes it a point to know the names of the teams playing in the Superbowl.
--As long as I am working a 9 to 5 job that employs males, I will always know this. It's also easier if you live in the Mid-Atlantic states or the Northeast. Most Southerners are attuned to only one type of football: SEC.

5. A lady never assumes that somebody else will pick up the tab.
--Dangit.

6. A lady does not engage in a debate over politics or religion or other sensitive issues at the dinner table.
--I heartily agree. Nothing spoils my appetite like raised voices.

7. A lady doesn't put her makeup on while driving a car.
--Does the lady have a 30+ minute commute to work?

8. A lady doesn't discuss her breakups with others.
--Please. It's called therapy.

Alas, I have A LOT of work to do.

A fellow sufferer

2005-09-08T09:31:00.000-05:00

Looks like Princess Michael needs some CFIMS medication as well.
http://www.nypost.com/gossip/pagesix.htm

Disputing Sexy Movie Men

2005-09-07T11:42:00.000-05:00

I just read an article on MSNBC entitled "10 sexy movie men--It takes more than a smile to get yourself onto this list, boys."

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9066263/

The author, Mary Beth Ellis, warns us-- "Being shiny on a 16-foot screen, however, does not necessarily bring The Sexy, or even The Likeable. The more an actor freaks out offscreen, the more he detracts from his ability to sink into his character."

Fine, Tom Cruise doesn't make the list. I never liked him anyway. But I wouldn't say Brad Pitt has "freaked out" by going for Angelina. Whatever, the author didn't include him either. So basically she's trying to pick all-around guys, in which case "sexy" doesn't actually apply, does it? Personally, I feel the article was misleading. SO---I'm going to list her men, comment, and add five of my own.

1. Sean Astin. won't even dignify that with a response.
2. Antonio Banderas. greasy, and I'm tired of that "latin lover" trash.
3. Tom Selleck. what? All right, fine. Obviously this author has a few years under her belt.
4. Michael J. Nelson. I don't even know who that is.
5. John Cusack. Yes, let's play the nice guy card. Lloyd Dobbler, can't beat him.
6. Harrison Ford. Okay, Indiana Jones, I get it. The author cites his earring as a point-deduction, and then says he redeemed himself with Sabrina. No he didn't. Not if you've seen the one with Humphrey Bogart. His Linus makes Harrison Ford's Linus look about as charming as a DMV employee.
7. Will Smith. Fine. Heroic, funny. I can buy that.
8. Viggo Mortensen- Obviously this chick has a thing for The Lord of the Rings. We all know what that means. (just kidding, charlsie)
9. Heath Ledger. ew. I'm over him.
10. Hugh Jackman. Excuse me?

So here are my five:
1. Robert Redford. Two words: Hubbell. Gardner.
2. Paul Newman. AND he's nice. Are you kidding? Have you ever heard of that salad dressing he makes where he donates 100% of the profits before taxes to charity? Obviously not. Have you ever seen Cool Hand Luke? Obviously not.
3. Matthew McConaughey, A Time to Kill. Um, Hot.
4. Marlon Brando, On the Waterfront. I mean, I know I want him to be a contender. He can contend for me. KO.
5. Brad Pitt, Legends of the Fall. Honestly, I haven't even seen this movie, which I've been told by most is worthy of a trip to confessional (and I'm not even Catholic).
BUT my friends insist that this is his moment.

So seriously, if we're going to use old people (Harrison Ford, Tom Selleck) let's do it right. And let's not call them "sexy" if they're just not.

High school boyfriends and crack cocaine

2005-09-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't love a catchy title?
I am not ashamed (well, I kind of am) to admit that I watch Laguna Beach. Not religiously, but I confess- my ears perk up when I hear those piano keys and those magical words "previously, on Laguna Beach."

This show is like crack cocaine. A concentrated, cheap stimulant.
The latest episodes showcase the relationship of Jason and Jessica. Who DOESN'T hate Jason?
This guy is the epitome of the asshole high school boyfriend. I mean, really, is there a mold somewhere we don't know about? A factory where they develop these awful boyfriends? They all do the exact same awful things.
Seriously, it's like they go to Asshole Boyfriend School.

first period--- the essentials of manipulation
second period--- Advanced Apathy
third period---Cheating-- or Casanova: Philanderer or Phenomenon?
fourth period--- Alcohol--impaired judgment what?
LUNCH seminars- this week- "Vocabulary-- when your friends have girlfriends and you don't---Old Ball And Chain is just the beginning."
fifth period---the art of jealousy
sixth period---the turnaround: how to make HER sorry for what YOU did **mandatory attendance
last period--- looking good, acting bad

***I want to make it clear that I am only referring to high school boyfriends in this harangue. I refer to them casually as "terrible boyfriends." I speak of mine much like Harry Potter speaks of Lord Voldemoort-- "He Who Must Not Be Named." Everyone's had one, but where are they now? Stocking office supplies--at night? In their seventh year of undergrad? Delivering flowers for the local shop--full-time? Awaiting parole?

Unfortunately, since this Jason kid is actually on television teaching other high school boys how to be the perfect asshole boyfriend, he's going to create this whole image for himself (not to mention perpetuate this horrifying actuality), and he might be able to milk it long enough to be on Surreal Life 2015. He'll be 28, an alcoholic, living with his mom, and wishing he had held out and auditioned for "The Real World" instead of "Laguna". Then, at least he would have been able to extend his player skills on such quality shows as "The Gauntlet" and "The Inferno."

In Need of Medication

2005-09-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

I think from now on I'll just keep my foot in my mouth and save myself the trouble.

I propose that research begin immediately for developing a new drug to counteract my CFIMS. Take one with water (and maybe a glass of wine) before engaging in any contact with acquaintances.

Example 1: I am sitting with a few people at a bar in Athens. My friend Charlsie, her friend Scott, and his friend Curt. I can't quite recall the segue, but here's my best recollection of the conversation.

Jennifer: You're crazy, babies are the greatest.
Curt: Well they don't really do much until they get a little older.
Scott: Curt has a baby.
Jennifer:No he doesn't.
Curt: Yes, I do.
Scott: Her name is Kayla.
Jennifer:You're lying.
Curt: She's three.
Jennifer: You're lying. No. I believe everything. Just tell me the truth. I don't believe you. No way.
Scott: I played with her this summer at the beach.
Charlsie: Jennifer IS really gullible.
Jennifer: Seriously, no you don't. How old are you?
Curt:24.
Scott: His wife is right there. (he points to a girl behind Curt)

At this point, Curt asks his wife for her camera phone, which she pulls out, passes to her husband, who proceeds to show me the picture of his three-year-old daughter, Kayla.

Example 2:
In another bar in Athens, I see Michael. I run up to Michael, excited since I haven't seen him in a long time and I'm hoping his girlfriend is around (one of my favorite people, Caroline). I completely interrupt his conversation.

Jennifer: Michael, hey! How are you!
Michael: Hey, Jennifer. How are you?
Jennifer: How's Caroline?
Michael: Well....

And we all know what comes after that---- "we broke up about six months ago." And of course, the look on his face said that he might not have initiated the breakup. You can always count on me to find out the bad news for everyone else-- straight from the depressed horse's mouth.

Overly Sensitive Need Not Apply

2005-08-31T12:28:00.000-05:00

Cryptic can be so irritating, but I just want to say that sometimes, men can be entirely too sensitive, and they can dish it out--but they can't take it.

Not to gender bash or anything.

SLAP

2005-08-31T12:26:00.000-05:00

Sounds
Like
A
Plan

Can we make that happen? I just came up with it last week. As in,

A: Let's do something next week, dinner or something.
B: SLAP!
A: Okay, I'll talk to you later.
B: Okay, Bye!

"Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!"

CFIMS and other excuses

2005-08-30T17:20:00.000-05:00

If you've spent 30 seconds in my presence, you know that I tend to speak before thinking.
Emily, my lovely roommate and friend of about 15 years now, decided that I have a problem. CFIMS.

Chronic
Foot
In
Mouth
Syndrome

I could list an unbelievable amount of examples. But I'll just do today's.

Jennifer: What happened to your head?
Don: What do you think happened to my head?
Jennifer: Some sort of Harry Potter episode?
Don: I had 57 stitches.
Jennifer: Is that like your lucky number or something? 57? Now it's your favorite number?
Don: Well, I also had six in my chin.
Jennifer: Well, what happened, did someone beat your head in with a baseball bat?
Don: No, I got hit by a car when I was in first grade.

Vanity Plates

2005-08-25T15:18:00.000-05:00

If you've ever been to the Metropolitan Washington Area by car, you know what I'm talking about. EVERYONE has a vanity plate. It's the cool thing to do. Back where I come from (cue Kenny Chesney), you wouldn't be caught dead with a vanity plate. From now on, I am going to try and post some of the ones that I remember. (I can only remember two right now) And apparently, the longer you're here, the better you get at deciphering them. (according to Chris)

BFLO N8V
IH8 GOD (Can you believe that?? In the Bible Belt, this car wouldn't last long)
USNCOB (I can't believe I know this one)

***If you can remember an interesting plate you've seen recently, feel free to comment.

Reno 911!

2005-08-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

How much do I love Reno 911? SO much. If you've never seen it, it's a show on Comedy Central that makes fun of "COPS." It's been around for a few seasons. I mean, it is hysterical.

I can't pick a favorite character, because I love them all: Dangle, Clemmy, Jonesy, Junior, Williams, Garcia (hmmm....maybe Garcia is my fave), and Trudy.

They're just SO WRONG. But OH SO RIGHT. Highly recommended.

Working late

2005-08-24T10:24:00.000-05:00

Monday night, I was at work until 9 p.m., working on a credentials RFP for a possible new client.
Staying at work late causes one to be a little loopy. We got into a discussion about cheating. An excerpt:

Marcos: So do you think "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Jennifer, Jesse: No.
Marcos: What if they cheat on you, like, fifteen times, do you think "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Jennifer: No, you think "fifteen times a cheater, always a cheater," you dumbass.

Subway Saunas and Modern Moms

2005-08-22T12:08:00.000-05:00

I went to visit Libby in New York this past weekend. I was only there for about 48 hours, but a lot can happen in a New York Forty-Eight Hours.

Only in New York:
1. A nail salon open at 1o at night.
2. A live cat in the window of a pet store, grooming itself to an audience of one.
3. Seeing more than one woman that you're pretty sure is a man.
4. Meeting at a bar that doesn't have a name.
5. Listening to a mom explaining the difference between Paul Cezanne and Camille Pissarro's landscapes---to her 3-year-old.
6. Passing a group of guys shouting and looking upward. Turns out they can see a girl's silhouette while she's taking a shower. The crowd is formed and steadily growing.
7. Breakdancers playing Beyonce outside The Plaza.
8. Waiting hours for brunch, and somehow it's worth it.
9. Waiting for a subway train and sweating A LOT. Not wanting to get off because the air conditioner feels so good.
10. Making at least one reference per hour to Sex and the City.

He's baaaack!

2005-08-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

Chris and I went to dinner last Thursday for a little Pan-Asian and some juicy French vacation stories. Right outside the restaurant was a homeless man.
Homeless man: (loudly) I know my place in America. I'm homeless and I'm hungry.
Chris: (once inside the restaurant) Yeah, well, I'm rich and I'm hungry and I'm going to get something to eat.

SPAM comes to blogsites

2005-08-22T08:29:00.000-05:00

On my last posting, the second comment is some stupid investment something. What shameless self-promotion. I'm pretty irritated about it. Stop the insanity.

Houseguest rules

2005-08-17T10:07:00.000-05:00

Since living far away, I have had several guests. I have also been a guest. I have learned a few things about perfect visits.

Rules for hosting guests:
1. Have clean sheets, pillowcase, towel, and washcloth ready for your guest when they arrive.
2. You should probably ask ahead of time if they want anything from the store: a specific cereal they like, or diet coke, whatever. I am going to do that from now on.

Rules for being a houseguest:
1. Leave a thank you note when you leave. Or write one, or email later, whatever.
2. Small gifts are fabulous!!! A bottle of wine will suffice.
3. Clean the dishes if cooking takes place.

By the way, Beth Walker is the perfect houseguest.
I am far from the perfect host, but I am working on it.

How well do you know me?

2005-08-15T13:50:00.000-05:00

Beth Barfield Walker is my weekend guest. We have been having a fabulous time. It is so nice to have an old friend in town. We've been going to dinner, movies, shopping. She has helped me realize that I can definitely count "movies" as a legitimate hobby. And maybe I should start thinking about how I can make money from the countless hours I've spent watching movies. For example, I've rated 600 movies on Netflix, which equals approximately 1200 hours. 50 days straight of movie-watching, and that's probably the tip of the iceberg. She has also helped me realize that I need to give up caffeine.

Anyway, here are some quotes from some of my fave movies.
It's not so much the movie knowledge I'm testing, but your knowledge of MY favorite movies. If you know what I like, you should be able to get these right away. If you don't like commenting online, send me an email and make some guesses. And don't google. Really. Let's be honest, folks.

1. "This is not life, Will. It is a stolen season." (not as obvious as you think it is)

2. "At first, after the breakup, you'll have these visions. Of you alone, 57,58, walking around, wearing a nightgown, your hair in a bun, maybe you're a librarian, heating up a can of soup for one, and worrying about the cobwebs that are growing in your womb."

3. "It’s amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death."

4. "I once heard of a captain who wore a patch over a good eye. The men fought harder for him."

5. "Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone."

6. "The thing with Dickie... it's like the sun shines on you, and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold."

7. "Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking."

8. "Once upon a time, on the north shore of Long Island, some 30 miles from New York, there lived a small girl on a large estate."

9. "A little advice about feelings kiddo; don't expect it always to tickle."

10. "Baby, you are gonna miss that plane."

** Another hint, my idol and favorite actress delivers two of the above quotations. Good luck!

Oh How I Hate the Dentist

2005-08-12T08:24:00.000-05:00

Let me count the ways:
1. Sound of drill.
2. Drooling.
3. Lights in face.
4. Trying not to choke on the excess water that accumulates in my throat.
5. Latex-gloved fingers poking around in my mouth.
6. Easy-listening/elevator style music drifting through the air.
7. Metal sticks stabbing my gums.

Today at the dentist I was told that I have "tight lips." That explains a lot.

watching TV at work--awesome.

2005-08-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

This week, television stations have been coming to the agency to preview their fall lineups for our media buyers. I mean, who doesn't love a good preview? AND they bring food. AND presents. Some people in the office are too busy to attend. I for one am never too busy for a little tv and some free lunch.

Tuesday was ABC. They seem quite sure of themselves what with the success of Desperate Housewives, LOST, and Wife Swap. Very smug presentation. They're going to have some stupid show called "emily's reasons why not" with Heather Graham. But a decent looking show with Trey from Sex and the City called National Justice Project, or something like that.

Yesterday was WB. I've never even watched Gilmore Girls, but after the episode they showed yesterday, I just might be tuning in. (well, not really) Oh, how I miss Dawson's Creek. They have a show coming out with the little skinny boy from Million Dollar Baby that got the crap beat out of him and Don Johnson, where they're lawyers in Los Angeles. Just Legal.

And this morning, NBC. They seem to be aware of the fact that they no longer control primetime, but they still have a handle on Thursday nights. A highlight: the new show "My Name Is Earl." Very funny, starring Jason Lee as Earl. (From Almost Famous) I recommend it. A bit of that so-awful-it's-funny-humor that keeps inching into the mainstream. And lest we forget the new Martha Stewart apprentice show. The guy made some crack about how he's hoping Martha will be out of her ankle shackles in time for the show. Yeesh. And they also have a reality show called "three wishes" where Amy Grant travels around to small towns and grants wishes. I swear, I can't stand getting older and more sensitive. My eyes were watering. What is my problem?

The grand finale was Telemundo. They had awesome Mexican catering and really melodramatic shows. (Titles translated: Crucified, The Storm,...) These titles are not religious nor are they weather-based. They're just your normal tv dramas with abnormally intense titles. I got a free t-shirt. Awesome.

I love Larry David

2005-08-10T15:10:00.000-05:00

I would marry Larry David. Even though he's crotchety and old and skinny and mean and he lives in LA, I would marry him. I am obsessed with Curb Your Enthusiasm. Now, I appreciate humor, but I don't laugh out loud a lot. I actually have a tendency to say, "that's really funny," rather than actually LAUGH. Which I think annoys people, come to think of it. I think it can come across as condescending. Okay, honey?

But I laugh out loud A LOT when I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. Seriously, I LOVE it. Funniest show ever. Hands down. Arrested Development is a close second.
Larry David is SO rude that it's hysterical. But really he's just saying and doing exactly what everyone else is thinking and wishing they could do (or is that just me?). In the 2nd episode of Season 4...I'm sorry, I won't even attempt to recreate the events. I could never do justice to how funny that show actually is. I've seen seasons 1-3, and am eagerly awaiting the release of the season 4 dvds.

I am aware that unfortunately, this kind of humor is not for everyone. Maybe just for the sadistic. And you certainly need a little patience, but it's just so funny. I mean, look at the outfit. It never changes. Love it.

Freakonomics: the end

2005-08-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

Today, I finished "Freakonomics." The last chapter was about names, and how naming children may affect their future success, and why blacks and whites and lower, upper, and middle class groups name their children what they do. There were some very interesting statistics, but the most humorous part of the chapter mentioned a few names that I will pass along. These are real names.
1. OrangeJello (pronounced uh-RON-zhello)
2. LemonJello (pronounced le-MON-zhello)
**twins
3. Loser
4. Winner
** These two are brothers. Last name: Lane. As it turns out, Winner has a criminal record. Loser has done well for himself. His friends often call him 'Lou.' The father, responsible for naming the children, has passed away. No, Winner did not kill him.
5. Temptress (accidentally misspelled- meant to name child after Tempestt Bledsoe from the Cosby Show) Temptress has actually been arrested for sexual promiscuity. Seriously.
6. Amcher (named after Albany Medical Center Hospital Emergency Room) I mean, really, can you imagine?
And my personal favorite:
7. Shithead (pronounced Shuh-teed) Not kidding.

Pasta and Its Social Consequences

2005-08-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

About two weeks ago, I visited a friend, we'll call him Jerry. Jerry has a girlfriend, Suzy.
On Saturday afternoon, Suzy called Jerry and told him that she wanted to cook for Jerry and his friends (me included) that evening. Did Jerry turn to ask if that was okay with me? Of course not. Did Suzy want to know if that was okay with me, the guest, who made a transcontinental visit to a Top Five City for great restaurants in the nation? Of course not.

SO that's the plan. Suzy is going to cook for Jerry and friends. What is Suzy going to cook, you wonder? But only for about 2.5 seconds, before you guess, pasta. Of course. Some type of spaghetti number. That's what she's going to cook, because that's what people always cook. Once again, does Jerry ask his guest if she likes spaghetti? No, because everyone likes spaghetti, right? Wrong. Not this girl. Sure, I've been known to put a dent in my baked spaghetti from Luigi's, but in general, I'm a greek chicken kind of girl. Most of my very best friends love pasta. My little sister lives and breathes for it. But I just don't really like it that much. Okay?

As a child, my mom would make spaghetti, but she would keep the meat sauce separate from the pasta. Maybe this is from whence my problems stem. The older I get, the less pasta I heap on the plate, and the more meat sauce.

Of course, this is different in most households. Once, Charlsie made spaghetti at Windsor and she mixed the two together. I'll admit, I was a little disappointed. But that's how Kate made it for Charlsie as a child, so that's how Charlsie makes it. Since Charlsie is one of my best friends, she's okay with the fact that I might not like my spaghetti that way. I'm kind of a freak about my food being balanced, and to me, it was just too much pasta. I'm the girl that always has leftover pieces of sandwich on her plate because there was too much bread, cheese, whatever, and it wasn't a balanced taste. Ok, it's a little obsessive. But we all have our quirks, right?

Anyway, so I'm already a little disappointed about my upcoming meal, because I know it's going to be spaghetti, I can assume she's going to mix it with the meat sauce prior to serving it, and I know I'm going to have to eat it to be nice, because she's not my best friend, and I can't just be like, "ummm...I don't really eat pasta." AND NO ONE ASKED ME ANYWAY. Here's the other thing: Suzy only brought pasta to the house. And, since Jerry is a male, and most males don't have options for side dishes filling their refrigerator, a trip to the store was needed. So Jerry's roommate and I took off for the grocery and liquor stores. We brought back a few bottles of red, some salad ingredients, and garlic bread. But when we returned with our accompaniments, everyone had started eating without us.

Take this all in, please. I am a guest. I am forced to eat spaghetti. I decide to spend my money on other things to accompany this meal. When I show up for the meal, people are already eating.
But there is a reason. The reason is that the cook, Suzy, has to go to work. She is a doctor and must leave by 9 p.m. for her shift. Blah blah. I was irritated, and came VERY late to dinner (and pushed my food around a little like a true pouting child-I know, I know...), but I thanked her several times. My behavior resulted in a fight between Jerry and Suzy because Suzy thought I hated her because I wouldn't eat her pasta, and then came a fight between Jerry and me, because I caused Jerry and Suzy's first fight. Fab. All because of pasta.

I think people find it difficult to believe that I don't like pasta. For example, about 2 months ago, I was attending a Wednesday night dinner at a friend's. On the menu: pasta, mixed with sauce. No alternative. I ate, because that's what you do when you're hungry, and I told the chef that it was good. I said, "I don't normally like pasta, but this is good." She said, next time, I'll make this fettucine with alfredo that's really good." And I said, "well, no, don't do that. I don't really like pasta." And then she said, "but you'll like this." Hmmm... here's the thing. Pasta is pasta. The actual noodle itself doesn't really taste different, especially to a pasta amateur/boycotter like me. There is a difference between alfredo and marinara, this I recognize. But I DON'T LIKE PASTA. Am I destined to become a social outcast because of my distaste for the Italian staple?
I really hope not, but it's looking that way.

Caffeine!!! Overlooked as a drug!

2005-08-04T11:25:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh! Those of you that know me know that there are two things I can't drink very much of: caffeine and alcohol! Much as I belong in the lightweight division of alcohol consumers, so do I belong in the lightweight division of morning stimulant drinkers!

This morning, after the a.m. meeting, I went to Starbucks! Tall, Nonfat, Iced Latte! One packet of Splenda!
Whoa! I have cleaned (as in, with Lysol) and organized my desk, paid all bills, done actual "work" work, and I can barely stay in my seat! If this is what happens to everyone everytime they drink coffee, wow!This is like a whole new world! I had no idea how productive it makes you!
People take aderal and do this kind of thing, right!? Like clean the hell out of their bedrooms!?
For me, coffee might as well be in prescription drug form!
Must go!

Celeb Lookalikes

2005-08-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

Today, someone at work told me that he was watching CHAOTIC last night (he prefaced it with, "I was watching this show for about 15 minutes"---which, in my opinion, is actually still pretty shameful considering that's HALF of that pitiful show.) and that he kept looking at Britney Spears and thinking, "that looks like Jen Brown."

Oh, yes, everyone around here calls me Jen. It drives me crazy, but not enough to correct them every time they call me that. Do I look like a Jen? Well apparently yes, and I also look like a Britney.

I just wasn't sure what to think. I mean, Britney Spears, God love her, is total trash. AND she's pregnant. I'm being deliberately oversensitive, but still.

When I was in New York in November, Libby and I ran into the Matt Lauer lookalike next to the bathrooms when we went to see HAIRSPRAY. He was really nice, by the way.

And lately, for some reason, I want to compare every celebrity to someone I know. Everyone is starting to look familiar. Is that because I'm getting old and people are starting to blend together? Oh goodness, I hope not.

Mom services needed

2005-08-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

Emily's mom came in town this weekend. It's been AWESOME. We're having immediate turn-around on clean dishes, and lots and lots of good food. Grilled chicken with capers and cherry tomatoes, skinny french green beans, sun-dried tomato risotto, scallops, salad, london broil, mushrooms, garlic mashed potatoes. I haven't eaten this well in MONTHS.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could have a mom every weekend? She could come in, help us clean, do our dirty dishes, drive us around to run errands, cook awesome dinners for us...
All of this makes me wonder about my future as a mom. I work from 9 to 5. I have no other commitments. Well, sometimes I don't get home until after 7, but whatever. The thing is, I can't get my act together when I'm just taking care of myself. That's pathetic. What if I have kids? Please.
Moms work really hard. Moms are awesome. Moms are overworked and underpaid.
When my mom came into town for my birthday six months ago (today I am officially twenty-three and a half) she scrubbed our bathroom and kitchen, bought us "finishing touches" for our apartment, took my friends and I out to dinner, and went to the movies with me. (Which may be the most exciting thing of all, because I am always on the lookout for movie buddies).
Speaking of movies, I am dying to see Murderball. I love a good documentary.

Compartmentalized Friends on Eastern Standard Time

2005-07-26T12:54:00.000-05:00

I went all the way over to the West Coast this past weekend. And let me say that I'd rather have the six-hour Western European time difference than the 3-hour Pacific time difference. Let's say it's 9 o'clock on a Saturday (cue piano: the regular crowd shuffles in....)- couldn't resist--- anyway, and you really want to talk to one of your friends about how you are feeling like a third wheel,... but they're either: A. out with their other friends, can't hear their phone over the music in the bar B. out with their other friends, and can't talk because they're out---with their other friends, or C. at home asleep, because they're recovering from the night before when they were hanging out with their other friends. Because it's midnight on the east coast.

I realized this past weekend how much my friends on the East Coast actually mean to me. It's amazing how much you appreciate things when you can't have them. Not the most profound statement I admit, but still true.
I also realized that I want to talk to certain friends about certain things.
When seeking advice, I call mom.
When I want to sit down over a glass of wine and truly analyze a situation, Emily is the go-to.
When wanting to justify my guilt for spending a lot of money on clothes, I call Mary Righton.
When I want to chat about how I'm totally out of practice when it comes to dating and I'm afraid of being too "honest," Chad is the perfect person to call.
When I want to complain about people being rude, Chris.
When I really need someone to listen, Kathryn.
Of course, there are also friends who know more about a particular situation than others. In this case, Charlsie is the authority on one particular relationship. She unfortunately was out of the country in my hours of need.
The next time you call someone, think about WHY you're actually calling that person. You might be surprised. I just never thought about what specific roles my friends play in my life until recently.

In sum, I had a lot of fun in San Francisco, but it was a little more dramatic than I would have liked. The weather was beautiful, food was great, shopping excellent, views stunning. The next time I go, I'm bringing all of you with me!!! And I don't mean in spirit.

Charlsie Quote

2005-07-26T12:53:00.000-05:00

"It's better to be so drunk that you can't talk than talking about how drunk you are."

Wanted: More Hours in the Day

2005-07-20T09:18:00.000-05:00

Apologies to those who actually read this thing. I have been swamped at work lately. I am currently assisting my boss due to some short-handedness. I have been running around like a headless chicken. I've actually been having dreams about work. I mean, I've been here for over 6 months now and until now I've managed to keep work from entering my subconscious. If anyone knows a good traffic supervisor with about 5 years of experience in advertising, have them apply soon.

We've got guests! Megan and Ashlee came in town Sunday for a brief visit before leaving for "the city" this morning. Among their activities while here: shopping, eating, and murdering slugs (much to the dismay of our neighbors).
Monday afternoon, we had our company picnic. It was near "Langley." For those of you unfamiliar with DC jargon, that means: CIA. Pretty cool, right? So when I left the picnic around 4, people were leaving the CIA. Now, prior to this Supreme Court nominee business, the news about Karl Rove and the CIA leak were very hot around here, so I wonder what was going on at the CIA that day. Pin-the tail-on-Rove? Mexican fiesta featuring a Karl Rove Pinata? At any rate, he was surely the hot topic at the water cooler. (Which now actually makes sense to me, since I go in the kitchen, fill up my water bottle, and chat about celebrity nonsense with my co-workers- I am so old.)
SO- the company picnic. It was so freaking hot. And there was a softball game. A chance for the higher-ups to show their true colors, and my, my are some men competitive. It was very amusing. We also got free beach towels and mini-beach balls.

Monday night, Doug, Megan, Ashlee, Emily and I went to "Screen on the Green" on the Mall in front of the capitol and watched "The Way We Were"- with Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford. Robert Redford is SO hot. So hot. Seriously, I could barely contain myself. There were lots of people there, mostly girls, who were probably thinking the same thing. There were also plenty of couples. I wonder if the boys were feeling inadequate? Probably not, but they should have been. Even though I'm not one for sappy movies, seeing Robert Redford FOR FREE on the big screen, in his heyday---made my week.

Last night, we went to my favorite restaurant, the Cuban one, in Silver Spring, MD. This is an oft-frequented spot for me and you can find it mentioned both prior to this posting and no doubt in the future. Because I have become a bit of a frequent customer, we all had a free round of drinks. And who doesn't appreciate a free round of drinks?

I've been traveling a lot lately and I shouldn't complain about it all, but I've just got too much going on right now. I am leaving tomorrow for San Francisco. I'm very excited and crossing my fingers about a respite from the humidity.

"I'm sorry it took so long to call you back, I was listening to your message." -Megan, hypothetically apologizing to those people (you all know one, you may BE one) that leave extremely long and detailed voicemail messages.

Notorious U.G.A.

2005-07-13T10:32:00.000-05:00

In my last entry, I revealed that I had been listening to "Freakonomics" in my car on the way to work. You will never believe what I heard this morning. Well, you probably will, but I'll get to the point.
There was study done on cheating in Chicago public schools as a result of the No Child Left Behind Act. Apparently, high-stakes testing causes teachers to "fudge" their students' answers so that the children may move on to the next grade. The author does a bit of an aside in the middle of the study and says, "Seems like it would only be possible for teachers to cheat at the elementary level, right? Wrong. At the University of Georgia in 2001, there was a physical education class called, "Basketball Conditioning..." The author then went on to list questions from Jim Harrick, Jr.'s exam. I was so embarassed, alone in my car.
I mean, seeing it in People magazine was enough, but now, here we are, 2005, and it's mentioned in another publication? Notorious, that's what we are.

Commuter Education

2005-07-07T11:09:00.000-05:00

I spend about 80 minutes in the car a day. Just going to and from work. That's 400 minutes a week. Which is a little over six and a half hours. Cue the traffic image from Office Space.
So I am trying to listen to Audio Books. My latest is Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Discovers the Hidden Side of Everything. Or something like that. Anyway, one of the topics this morning was the sudden fall of crime rates in the late 1990s. At the time, politicians, analysts, etc. were citing the lower rates to a better economy, gun-purchase regulation, and the success of the laws they had been implementing in response to anticipation of soaring crime rates. Steven Levitt, the professor of Economics at the University of Chicago to which the book refers, has another theory: Roe v. Wade. Studies show that children are far more likely to turn to a life of crime when raised in an adverse environment. Basically, because abortion became legal, the women who would be raising children in an adverse environment were now allowed to abort. So those children who would be of delinquent age in the late 90s were not even born. Interesting, huh?

Brown Family Foath of Jew-lie

2005-07-05T12:47:00.000-05:00

What's the 4th of July without BBQ, watermelon, and a small burn on your right thigh from a DIY fireworks show gone awry?

This weekend, I went with my parents and sister Stephanie to Edisto Island, SC. I can't remember the last time I ate so much meat. And it was not the lean kind.
My father is a member of the Edisto Island Yacht Club, or the EIYC as it will be called hereafter. It's quite the establishment. It used to be a very small building with about a dozen boat slips. Now it's basically a small ballroom on stilts with a screened-in porch, a dancing deck, and about a dozen boat slips. There is one bartender. And the clock on the wall shows that it's always five o'clock. They have a hot dog bar on Saturdays for 50 cents per hot dog. 50 cents! When was the last time you had lunch for 50 cents??? Unless you're a freak and you drink a can of diet coke for lunch???
We went to the EIYC several times during the weekend, because my father hasn't been to Edisto in three years, and he felt the need to make up for lost time. One night, we went for their "All American Supper"-- $5. FIVE DOLLARS! Perhaps I've been living in the city too long, but is that cheap or what?? cheap. For hamburger, french fries, baked beans, and brownie. And I guess a second helping, if you wanted. And the specialty liquor drink was FOUR DOLLARS.
Wow.
On Saturday afternoon, my dad and I took a ride on his "john boat." The brand of the boat was "War Eagle Boats," an allusion to that elusive battle cry we all love to hate. We all make mistakes. You'd be amazed what a 25 horsepower engine can do. I got a little nervous taking sharp turns (dad gave me the captain's chair a few times).
We arrived in Augusta at about 6:30 Monday night after having stopped at Wacky Wayne's fireworks for the second time over the weekend. Wayne makes a killing fourth of july weekend, by the way. Can you imagine the markup on cheap colored paper, wicks, and gunpowder? I wonder if he goes to Europe every year for a month after the 4th? I would.
After a dinner of butter beans, stuffed squash, corn, and peach cobbler (I told you we ate a lot of meat--by last night, we had had enough), we had a little mini-fireworks show on our dock. I haven't been on our dock since I was two inches shorter, so that alone was an adventure.
But the best part was "the final finale" as my dad called it. There was a box. It was called crazy beautiful. It shot off over 15 fireworks. That is, it was supposed to, but after about 10 shots, the box started to fall off the railing on the dock, and the blue/purple firework (stephanie and I have yet to reach agreeement on one color) shot off TOWARD US. So I have a small hole in my pajama shorts and a tiny burn blister on my upper right thigh. Lovely.
Quotes:
"I don't understand why people want a house right on the beach. You wanna look out the window and see somethin' and you've got people down there putting on suntan lotion." -DAD

In the following, dad is discussing his belief that it is impossible to "miss" someone when they die. You can only "miss" someone when it is possible to technically see and interact with them.
"What is the definition of 'miss'? I think it's 'remember'."-DAD
"The definition of 'you' is 'idiot'."-MOM

Trainspotting

2005-06-30T12:14:00.000-05:00

Have any of you ever seen this movie? I saw it a long time ago and decided to re-watch it last night. Whoa. It's about a bunch of heroin addicts in Scotland. Ewan McGregor stars. It's so weird watching movies now that I am out of college. Certain movies have a much more profound effect on me, primarily the ones that deal with "searching for the meaning of life." While these junkies weren't exactly searching, they were avoiding---avoiding sameness and boredom and everything mundane. (Which, by the way comes from Latin mundus meaning "world.")
SO, these guys do heroin ALL THE TIME. It's all they can think about. Bad things happen and continue to happen. And wow, do I hate needles. Hate them. There were some queasy moments there. My point about the "meaning of life" business- there are lots of options out there. My question is this: Are we always on the verge of an addiction?

Marriage Nightmare

2005-06-28T09:07:00.000-05:00

I've been having some wicked dreams lately. I think it's the heat. This morning, I could not make myself get out of bed. Sometimes, I hit the snooze button so many times that I eventually hit OFF, and don't realize it, so I wake up right when I'm supposed to be walking out the door. Whoops. No shower THIS morning.

Anyway, I had a dream last night that I was getting married. But no one would tell me who I was marrying. And I was 45 minutes late to the ceremony because I couldn't find a decent dress. So I ended up wearing my debutante dress. I show up to the altar and it's this trashy guy that went to my high school, so I look him dead in the eye and say, "No. Absolutely not. We are not getting married." And that was that. I got mad at everyone for not telling me who I was supposed to marry, and no one actually seemed to care that I wasn't going to marry him.

What brought this on? Two things are clear: 1. I subconsciously fear that I am not going to find the right person. 2. The dream affirms my constant declarations that I cannot get married in front of a lot of people. Ceremony unnerves me.

Hotdoggers, Haagen Dazs, and Hot Water

2005-06-27T08:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, Doug and I went downtown for the Safeway Barbecue Battle. $10 admission for lots of free stuff. Parking was a total nightmare, because as usual, there was a weekend event on the Mall (Smithsonian Folklife Festival). I mean, where do these people come from? Stay home! It's 95 degrees outside!
Anyway, the Safeway Barbecue Battle is basically about 20 or so barbecue vendors competing for best ribs, etc. But not all the vendors actually sell their barbecue. Sad. The main attraction was the Safeway tasting tent, and Doug and I didn't even go in there. But you could try pickles, potato chips, hot dogs, cookies, orange juice, you get it. Your basic grocery store food. So instead, we went to the Red Baron trailer and got free pizza, and then to the Haagen Dazs tent for free dulce de leche light ice cream. There was also free Stonyfield yogurt, Jif and Smuckers on Ritz crackers, Tony the Tiger cereal, an OFF! tent, Lawry's cooking school, a Venus trailer (female razors) , the Oscar Mayer weinermobile (more on that later), and my personal favorite- the Crest trailer.
You waited in short lines at all of these places to get free samples. At the Crest trailer, they gave you awesome toothbrushes at the entrance and then sent you to your own personal sink, behind a clear shower curtain (for privacy, of course). Waiting for you was a sample of their new toothpaste- minty fresh with mouthwash. They also had Puffs and Bounty dispensers in the sink area. They were playing fun music. So I brushed my teeth to "Hey Ya." But when it came time to rinse, the water in the sink was hot. Ew. And believe me, it was pretty warm in there. But my teeth felt so clean! It was awesome. We met Carolyn and Chris outside of it after they had gone through the Safeway tasting tent.
On the way out, we stopped at the weinermobile because Chris Hardy wanted to enter the contest about having a day to do anything you want with the weinermobile and $5,000. Doug wanted to get Michael Jackson to drive it around the neighborhood and pick up little kids, but then decided against it. Chris wanted Marth Stewart to drive around and give out mini hot dogs at catered parties. Or something like that. Anyway, have you ever seen the weinermobile? It's crazy. And they have these "hotdoggers" drive it around the country- 12 college graduates. Apparently it's pretty competitive. Coincidentally, I had just recently read about the "hotdoggers" on the internet, so of course I drilled one of them about it (there were two). Doug asked if they ate hot dogs all the time. "No, Kraft encourages us to eat a balanced diet," came the reply. Whatever. He was nice, but a bit of a geek, and he kept using all these puns, like, "franktastic" and "funderful." It was kind of weird. (Right, mm?)

"That's so law school student of you to promote the police." me
"That's so angry young adult of you to despise them." Doug

I love Summer Fridays!

2005-06-24T14:02:00.000-05:00

Half the office is gone, I came in late, I'm leaving early, and I drank a corona light at lunchtime. We (fun Arnold employees) cooked out with Nicole's mini-grill on the roof of the parking deck this afternoon. We had potato salad, beer, chips, chicken kebabs, hot dogs,... we were out there for an hour and a half. So fun! In other news, the red wine stain came out of my dress. YES! Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Sweet charity

2005-06-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

Last night, I went to a fundraiser for the AIDS marathon at one of my very favorite restaurants. (Cubano's in Silver Spring, MD) A girl I work with is running the marathon and she made an arrangement with the owner to have $25 for all you can eat and drink, with a portion of the proceeds going toward her fundraising efforts. And what a steal. I had one mojito (because--hello, two and I'd surely be pulled over and arrested) and lots of plantains, pork, chicken, vegetables, yummm....all doused in garlic. I even got a free piece of tres leches cake (I was maximizing). Yum. And for a good cause at that. That will help you sleep at night. So far this week, I've spent $70 on charitable events, which means I now, in turn, need people to donate to The Jennifer Brown Needs to Eat for the Rest of the Week fund. Any takers?

Bruce in Bethesda

2005-06-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

Last night, Doug and I went to an ADA benefit at the Strathmore Music Center in Bethesda. (ADA stands for Americans with Disabilities Act). Bruce Hornsby was the headliner, and there were two openers. The group before Bruce was an a cappella group of African-American women called "Sweet Honey in the Rock". Very interesting. I swear, you can't go anywhere in this town without politics.

I think one of the reasons Bruce was a headliner (he was solo piano by the way, which was really great- he is amazing and very very talented) was because of his song "That's just the way it is." ....Well, they passed a law in 64 to give those who ain't got a little more...

You know how artists introduce their songs? Well, he just kind of segued into it, and I was mega-disappointed because I wanted him to say that Tupac had covered it and then all the sudden break out midsong with "Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp slap you up." But no. The concert was definitely geared toward a more mature audience.

I almost fell asleep around 10:45 because I'm still exhausted from my trip. It's not that he was boring, but come on, it was a piano.